What's With the Name?

I guess its time I explain my name.

First off, I knew I needed a stage name. I knew that I just didn't have a last name that was built for show-biz. Every (just about) famous actor, musician, artist...changes or alters their name in some fashion to have an easier, more fluid ring to it. I wanted something simple, something direct...something unforgettable, and something with meaning.

Back when I was a young buc, I made my original myspace, and my url became "purple vixxen".
I loved the color purple, and felt that it represented me well: purple was the color of depth, mystery, royalty...but it wasn't your standard color. Plus, I had in many ways begun to identify myself with the artist, Prince, who we all know is the man in purple.

Purple vixxen was ok. But it needed to be better, more smooth sounding.
So, I came up with violet vixxen. But, then, I still felt like a 'noun'. I wanted a name like "Carmen Electra", who was one of my idols. I read that her name was created by Prince, and was a conjunction of his two favorite plays: Carmen (the opera) and Mourning Becomes Electra by Eugene O'Neill.

So, I hacked off the end of 'vixxen' (spelled with two x's, just for url purposes, i needed something that noone else had). And I added an a. Now, it was a real name. Vixxa Violet.

The name took on layers and layers of meaning, and still does.
One of the main factors is that: the two names represent the two completely different sides of my personality.
On the one hand, I was this bold, sexy, powerful, strong...vixen! (or, wanted to be, ideally...like a Spice Girl, or an X-Men superhero). It represented the me that was bold, took risks, performed on stage, and said what she thought.

Violet, however...was my very, very deep, artistic, introverted, sensitive side. The one that wrote poetry and listened to The Cure and fell head-over-heels in unrequited love. The outcast. The loner.

The only other name I seriously considered before that was Vilma Grace. Vilma was my granny's name, who is now deceased. To me, she represented light and peace. After she died, I was never given any of her belongings or anything to remember her by...except for a little pin of a white dove.
Grace was my middle name.

Ironically, if you take the "L" and "M" out of Vilma...you get Vixxa. The two x's are crosses...crosses that I've had to bear in order to forge ahead what I hope will be the success of the lineage of women who were beaten, put down, and enslaved by their husbands.

I desperately wanted to get away from my last name.
Just about every person in my family with my last name has ended up seriously mental, addicted to drugs, death by cancer...it is a lineage of evil, death and destruction. (Vilma was married in to the family, so I don't really count the in-laws as inherently evil).

So, yeah. I could go on, but...that's all I shall say for now.

PS. Hold up two "V"s with your fingers, and look at what you have. This is what I'm after.

What Makes a 'Man'

What makes a Man?

I really feel for men. I do. Society is very hard on men. It sends them subliminal messages that they have to dominate, control, win...be the best, have the best. Male society typically rests the "quality" of a man on his possessions: how much money does he make, does he have a beautiful wife or girlfriend, how many homes does he own? So on and so forth...

I saw a commercial the other day.
I forget what the commercial was for, but it played during the football game. (obviously geared/targeted towards men). In the commercial, (lets just say for arguments sake it was Axe), they showed a guy in therapy. But, the therapist was a football coach. The guy was like "I think yellow makes me sad because..."
And the coach / "therapist" was like "You wanna get tough? Forget all these feelings!! While you're off in namby-pamby land, I'll be using this Axe deoderant to get chicks!"

((Or something like that...you get the idea. ))

First of all...No. 
Going to therapy does not make you a sissy, a wimp, or a wuss.
Also, there is this notion that all you do in therapy is "talk about your feelings". Well, number one...that's not true. And two...even if it was, so what??!
We do not get to talk about our feelings at our job. We don't get to talk about our feelings with our boss, our co-workers, most of our friends (especially if you're a man!!), even our girlfriends...so many of them are busy riding us about how much money we're making, and whether or not we took the trash out.

So, understandably...men shove their feelings down. They have to provide, win, compete, achieve.
Then, we girls expect them to want to share their feelings with us and tell us how they feel.

To some degree, this is warranted. I am very verbal, and I express my feelings fairly well, for the most part. To a large degree, I was raised like a boy. I was forced to work, told to achieve, and very rarely got to "just have fun". So, a lot of people in the 'real world' began telling me that I had 'trouble with communicating'.

We all have trouble communicating. Communication is inherently flawed.
But, I will say...that therapy makes a person way better at it. By talking about feelings, repressed memories, whatever...you're learning to identify what the feeling was, why it made you feel that way, and why it was ok to feel the way you did. There is no right or wrong. It is a process of learning who and what you are. It is a process of acceptance, and ultimate self-love.

So many chicks walk around with this attitude like, "I ain't f*ckin' with no man, I'm working on me!!".
Well...then, work. Do real work. Don't just say you're gonna do it, actually step up, have some balls, and do it. This does not include getting wasted, partying with your girls, and having one night stands.

And you men...do the same. Stop expecting to find the "one" when you have not found yourself.

It takes strength to admit weakness. It takes the ability to surrender to finally become the captain.

ANTI-Biotics Means "Anti-Life"

I was watching a TV show program on WHYY, called 'The Road to Perfect Health'.

Because I suffer from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome / Fibromyalgia, I have begun an extensive exploration of my entire body and health system...from my brain chemistry, to my body chemistry...from my lymphatic system to my endocrine system to my pH levels to my colon.
While it has been necessary for me to take certain medications to manage my Bipolar, I have always stayed as up-to-date on natural and holistic treatments. I've always exercised, taken fish oil, eaten lots of fruits and vegetables...even my family has remarked on how much I do to maintain and better my health...yet I still stay tired, depressed, sick.

However, I have been on at least 6 to 7 different anti-biotics in my lifetime. At 9 years old, I began to get boils. Boils are skin legions that would develop from an infection in the body.
What did the doctors do? (Of course...and no, I don't blame my parents here)...they gave me anti-biotics.
I had at lest 2 other staff infections before age 20 which 'required' antibiotics.

At age 12 or 13, I began to get acne.

Very bad acne.

Over the next six years, I tried every over-the-counter and prescription acne medication you can think of. Proactiv, Differin, every salicylic acid and benzoyl peroxide and sulfur product. Tea tree oil skin care products from the Body Shop. Then, finally....my dermatologist placed me on at least four different anti-biotics including Bactrim, Tetracycline...at sixteen, on birth control...the last, final, recommended step was Accutane.

(As desperate as I was to have clear skin...I refused to take Accutane. Thank God. I'd probably have a failed liver or have committed suicide had I done it.)

The point is: antibiotics translates to "kill" "life" (bios). The antibiotic supposedly "kills" the "harmful bacteria". HOWEVER. It is also killing GOOD bacteria. Hence 'probiotic'...often we hear the word probiotic in yogurt (esp. live culture Greek yogurt or Activia). These bacteria are good, and they promote  healthy digestion.

I know anti-biotics have done major damage to my immune system. Other medications, as well...including everything from anti-depressants to processed food, etc. 

So...what do I suggest??

1) Stop taking anti-biotics. Unless you have a severe illness, or it is a life or death situation, of course.

2) Supplement with probiotics. I need to get on this!

Greek yogurt has lots of natural pro-biotics. You can also take a digestive enzyme (I'll follow up with good enzyme supplements).

3) Limit processed food. Eat LIVE food. Fruits, veggies, water. Coconut Oil is great for the digestive system.

4) Avoid unnecessary vaccines, like Gardasil, flu vaccine, etc. 

Here's to a healthy gut in 2011!!

 

Psyche: Greek Goddess of the Soul

"Psyche was a daughter of mortals. She had two more sisters. Cupid, the god of love, fell in love with her. They had a daughter Hedone/ Pleasure. 
Psyche, the soul of humans, was exploited by the philosophers of the ancient times as well as by all religions. The majority accept that Psyche is immortal. 

 ***
Psyche never was part of Greek mythology. The word is Greek for soul (as in psychology). Not until about about 160 AD does Psyche appear as a person, and it was in a piece of Roman fiction. The Roman philosopher and writer Lucius Apuleius wrote a long story called The Golden Ass. In this an old woman tells about Cupid and Psyche and in her tale Psyche is taken into the company of the Greek deities, or rather their Roman counterparts. 


In Roman mythology, she is the girl whom Cupid fell in love with. She is said to be more beautiful than Venus, Goddess of Love and Beauty, herself. Since Venus wont stop in making Psyche suffer, Cupid asks Zeus for help and makes Psyche as a Goddess...Goddess of soul."


PSYCHE was cursed by her sister, Aphrodite (Venus), to marry the ugliest man on earth. Aphrodite, despite being beautiful herself, was jealous of her sister, Psyche, and of the love and attention she received. 
Aphrodite commanded the god Eros to cast this spell onto Psyche. However, he feel in love with her, and instead hid her away in his secret palace. 
Psyche was cast out, per some mistake, by Eros, and returned to Venus, by whom she was enslaved. Psyche suffered and suffered as Venus' slave, doing very hard work and labor in the Underworld. Eros returned to Psyche in love, and aided her in overcoming her despair...ultimately, the two were wed, and Psyche became forever immortal (she is often represented as a butterfly). 


REMEMBER, Psyche in Greek means...Soul!!!
Yes, psychology, is and should be a scientifically-based study...but if it completely ignores the soul, the spiritual side of the human, than it has not done its job. 

Read more: http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_is_Greek_goddess_Psyche_goddess_of#ixzz18zJVNS3m
Additional Source: http://www.theoi.com/Ouranios/Psykhe.html

Serial Predator in Kensington (PHILADELPHIA)

Police Deem Killer A 'Serial Predator'

DNA Returns As A Match In Kensington

Just in the the Fox 29 Newsroom:

Philadelphia police and investigators have just wrapped up a news conference where they  announced that DNA from the 3rd strangulation victim in Kensington has returned a match to the other two strangulation victims.

Last week, 27 year-old Casey Mahoney was found strangled in a vacant lot on Front & Tusculum Street.   She is now the third victim of the so-called 'Kensington Strangler' .  The other victims, Nicole Piacentini and Elaine Goldberg were also found strangled and beaten in early November.

Fox 29's Sean Tobin was at that news conference and reports that a serial predator is now responsible for these three murders.

Earliet this afternoon, city officials announced the total reward is now at  $37,000 to help find a man who has now killed three times.  Officals were also quick to discourage vigilante justice.

Mayor Michael Nutter said during a Tuesday morning news conference on the 1900 block of East Cumberland Street there's "a very dangerous person on the streets of Philadelphia."

"We need to find this person, we need to capture this person. We need to get this individual off the streets of our city," he said.

To take a look at portions of that press conference, click here.  

The Mayor and police stress that anyone with information on these crimes should call 911, or you can call 215-686-TIPS (8477).

Stay tuned to Fox 29 for the latest updates.

Basic Science

If you've done cocaine for ten years, your brain is no longer normal.
If you've drank gin for thirty years, your brain is no longer normal.

I have done neither of these.
I take a small dose of Prozac, and Adderall, to help me stay focused, and drive my dopamine levels up (which were depleted through sadistic abuse and stress as a child...stress creates synapse damage in the brain).

I have spent the last six years fixing my brain, to make it the most optimal, functional thing I can make it.
This included:
graduating Honors and taking Honors courses in English & History in high school,
three years studying in college,
two and a half years in counseling,
two years psychotherapy and being seen by two of the top psychiatrists in Pennsylvania,
taking the proper medications, and the most functional diet possible in order to help my brain
(2 Tbs fish oil / day, ginko biloba, NADH, L-Theanine, dL-phenylalaline, L-Tyrosine, lots of fresh fruits and veggies, lean meats & proteins, omega-3 fatty acids like walnuts and almonds, regular exercise, yoga, meditation, etc.)
doing crossword puzzles and playing Tetris to help with cognitive function
forcing myself to learn to read maps because I did not and still do not have a GPS.

Don't hate me because I'm smarter than you.
Hate yourself because you have not optimized your brain properly, in order to think, function, and rationalize clearly.

My opinions are based on science and fact. Not my emotions, my satanic soul, or my paranoia.
Unless you have completed more schooling, professional therapy, reading, and have stayed clean (no drugs, no nicotine, cigarettes, other foul chemical agents), then you will not tell me that I'm crazy or dumber than you.

Thanks :)

Powerful Affirmations.

Thank You, Anne Lewis

When I was in college, I had a professor named Anne Lewis. She was my first semester acting prof., and a personal mentor who guided me out of a lot of the trauma that I was re-experiencing upon leaving my dad.

Anne was tough. But loving and kind. She commanded respect. I admired her. She replaced the shattered role model of what a real woman should be.

Anne told me, in my first semester..."You have a gift for honesty."
I was thankful for that: both, that I had the gift, and moreso, that somebody...somebody of value...saw it.

I will never forget when I spoke with her about leaving the Theatre major, or college altogether.
She did not agree that I should drop out, or even take a Leave of Absence...she gave me opinions on dropping or keeping the major. But, she said something that always stuck with me:

"It doesn't matter what field you're in, Laura. You will be a success. Because you are a hard worker."

I was never "talented". I never "got the part" on luck. I never just "got a good grade". I was never just "given money".
So, I had to work. Sometimes I worked too hard, and not efficiently. Over time, I have whittled down my skill sets to work smart, rather than hard and laboriously.

And now, I have 100% faith in what she told me. I will never allow anyone to tell me otherwise.

Depeche Mode - Policy Of Truth (not live) [Violator]

Patience

‘Patience does not mean to passively endure.  It means to be farsighted enough to trust the end of a process.

What does patience mean?  To look at the thorn and see the rose, to look at the night and see the dawn.  Impatience means to be so shortsighted as to not be able to see the outcome. 

 The lovers of God never run out of patience, for they know that time is needed for the crescent moon to become full.’

What is a Narcissist?

Written by Sam Vaknin   What is Narcissism? A pattern of traits and behaviors which signify infatuation and obsession with one's self to the exclusion of all others and the egotistic and ruthless pursuit of one's gratification, dominance and ambition. Most narcissists (75%) are men. (HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! YAY for us women being abused by women-hating narcissistic men!!!) NPD is one of a "family" of personality disorders (formerly known as "Cluster B").

Other members: Borderline PD, Antisocial PD and Histrionic PD. Pathological narcissism was first described in detail by Freud. Other major contributors are: Klein, Horney, Kohut, Kernberg, Millon, Roningstam, Gunderson, Hare. The onset of narcissism is in infancy, childhood and early adolescence. It is commonly attributed to childhood abuse and trauma inflicted by parents, authority figures, or even peers. There is a whole range of narcissistic reactions - from the mild, reactive and transient to the permanent personality disorder. Narcissists are either "Cerebral" (derive their narcissistic supply from their intelligence or academic achievements) - or "Somatic" (derive their narcissistic supply from their physique, exercise, physical or sexual prowess and "conquests"). Narcissists are either "Classic" - see definition below - or they are "Compensatory", or "Inverted" - see definitions here: "The Inverted Narcissist". NPD is treated in talk therapy (psychodynamic or cognitive-behavioral). The prognosis for an adult narcissist is poor, though his adaptation to life and to others can improve with treatment. Medication is applied to side-effects and behaviors (such as mood or affect disorders and obsession-compulsion) - usually with some success. (Ha...good luck trying to get a N into therapy...they avoid it like the plague).  NPD is often diagnosed with other mental health disorders ("co-morbidity") - or with substance abuse, or impulsive and reckless behaviors ("dual diagnosis"). NPD is new (1980) mental health category in the Diagnostic and Statistics Manual (DSM). There is only scant research regarding narcissism. But what there is has not demonstrated any ethnic, social, cultural, economic, genetic, or professional predilection to NPD. It is estimated that 0.7-1% of the general population suffer from NPD. **I WOULDN'T READ ANYTHING INTO THIS STATISTIC--IT IS WAY HIGHER THAN THAT, AND I KNOW IT FOR A FACT. MOST N'S ARE NEVER DISCOVERED, because they do not engage in criminal / outwardly unacceptable behavior--thus, keeping the illusion of grandeur and perfection intact. An all-pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behaviour), need for admiration or adulation and lack of empathy, usually beginning by early adulthood and present in various contexts. Five (or more) of the following criteria must be met: Feels grandiose and self-important (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents to the point of lying,demands to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements) Is obsessed with fantasies of unlimited success, fame, fearsome power or omnipotence, unequalledbrilliance (the cerebral narcissist), bodily beauty or sexual performance (the somatic narcissist), or ideal, everlasting, all-conquering love or passion Firmly convinced that he or she is unique and, being special, can only be understood by, should only be treated by, or associate with, other special or unique, or high-status people (or institutions) Requires excessive admiration, adulation, attention and affirmation - or, failing that, wishes to be feared and to be notorious (narcissistic supply) Feels entitled. Expects unreasonable or special and favorable priority treatment. Demands automaticand full compliance with his or her expectations Is "interpersonally exploitative", i.e., uses others to achieve his or her own ends Devoid of empathy. Is unable or unwilling to identify with or acknowledge the feelings and needs of others Constantly envious of others or believes that they feel the same about him or her Arrogant, haughty behaviours or attitudes coupled with rage when frustrated, contradicted, or confronted Some of the language in the criteria above is based on or summarized from: American Psychiatric Association. (2000). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders, fourth edition, Text Revision (DSM IV-TR). Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Association. The text in italics is based on: Sam Vaknin. (2003). Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited, fourth, revised, printing. Prague and Skopje: Narcissus Publication. Based on my life experience, I believe NPD is VERY high in director/producer types. Yes, it is good (and healthy) to have a vision, and believe in that vision...and see it through. There are also very healthy types of narcissism (especially for abuse victims who have been beaten down their whole lives, and told that it is THEY who are the problem).  However...I've seen it a gazillion times: director/producer shmoozes/charms/talks his way into the ideal "fantasy" of his TV show, his production company, his movie...he targets young, budding "actress" types who want to excel and succeed...then he uses them for their talent, beauty, time and gives basically nothing in return but criticism and excuses. (I have references, ladies....feel free to contact me @ vixxavioletmodel@gmail.com).

Varga, Eat ya f*ckin' heart out!!

Oh...I'm sorry, who was it that said I couldn't do Varga-style pin-ups?

SUCK MY WHITE ASS!!!

(Book Latin Dog Studio and give him all your money!!!)

PS> Concept + ALL mu, styling, wardrobe by Vixxa Violet

Myers-Briggs Test: Have U Taken It Yet??

MYERSBRIGGSTEST

Tips for taking the test:
Don't overthink the questions, and don't get wrapped up in the "Yes" vs. "No".
The test is designed to somehow account for all small generalities.

You will most likely be amazed at how accurate the test is.

Of course, keep in mind that: EVERYONE is complex, and very few people are 100% Introvert as opposed to 100% Extrovert--we all fall on a scale of each of the test's components, so it scores you based on the majority of your traits.

Lastly, really try to answer HONESTLY. Don't answer on what you *think* you are, or how you want to appear in the eyes of others. Answer based on what you realistically would see yourself doing in the situation the questions propose.

My Type?: infj

Check Out My Newest Feature--VBlazin!!

Vixxa4VBLAZINMAGAZINE

What's Love Got to Do With It?

Go TINA!!! When she left Ike, she gave us the strength to walk away from our Ikes.



You must understand
That the touch of your hand
Makes my pulse react
That it's only the thrill
Of boy meeting girl
Opposites attract

It's physical
Only logical
You must try to ignore
That it means more than that

[Chorus]
Oh whats love got to do, got to do with it
What's love but a second hand emotion
What's love got to do, got to do with it
Who needs a heart
When a heart can be broken

It may seem to you
That I'm acting confused
When you're close to me
If i tend to look dazed
I've read it someplace
I've got cause to be

There's a name for it
There's a phrase that fits
But whatever the reason
You do it for me

I've been taking on a new direction
But i have to say
I've been thinking about my own protection
It scares me to feel this way

What's love got to do, got to do with it
What's love but a sweet, old fashioned notion
What's love got to do, got to do with it
Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken 

The Courage of Psychotherapy--I Did It!! And So Can You =)

Mental Illness & Psychotherapy

I have suffered from severe bouts of depression, severe anxiety, crippling OCD, PTSD, and other health-related problems. 

As an adolescent, I took out my illness in various forms including cutting, self-starvation, and self-hatred...luckily, I also had enough sense to utilize artistic forms to express myself. This included writing, journaling, singing, dancing, acting, painting, experimenting with make-up, and my personal style. 

Once I reached college, I began counseling with mentors and adjunct counselors. I visited with doctors and physicians and was on a series of anti-depressants. Finally, in January, 2009, I suffered a depressive breakdown and entered myself into Belmont Hospital, where, finally, I was diagnosed with Major Depression, and where I stayed for 12 days. 

Because I had always been naturally geared towards self-growth, and desired not to repeat the patterns of my parents, I vigorously pursued counseling and therapy. I knew I could not just “get over” the pain of my past on my own. 

Since my hospital stay, I have had my ups and downs; growth spurts and relapses. It was not until I was away from the original main source of my pain (my father), that I could even begin on the massive undertaking of beginning to really heal. 

However, I was soon at the epicenter of another, very serious attack from, what I later realized to be Evil. 

I can say with confidence now that I understand what Evil is, especially insomuch as it relates to psychology (or Lack of Spiritual Growth), and how it has run rampant over my soul. 

Despite that, I now stand as God’s child and am more than ever invested in fighting for Good. 

I am in psychotherapy with a highly competent, professional therapist (this may take a while to find...I went through several psychiatrists and therapists in my search.) 

I urge you to embark on your own quest for spiritual or psychological truth. 

Step 1: Figure out what mental illness you suffer from.

No, I didn't say "See if you have a mental illness". I said "Figure out which one you have." 

Why? 

Because we are all mentally ill. And illness is running rampant in this society. And going to therapy, talking about our issues, has been shoved under the table in large part due to an overly-technological age, and desensitization of the humanness of ourselves. 

Some people have mental illness in a greater proportion than others.

The question is: will we be strong, and courageous, and conquer it?

<Quick tangent: The other day, someone who I thought was an ally said to me "You are crazy." I was like...and...? As if I didn't know!

I am GREATLY aware of my "craziness" (most of it I discovered through my most recent relationship...), and I am hell bent on fixing it. Will I ever be completely "sane"? No. And I hope I'm not. I need some of those crazies so I can continue to think outside the box and CREATE!>

Many people in society view those in therapy or counseling as "weak"or downtrodden or, (again) CRAZY. 

THIS COULD NOT BE FARTHER FROM THE TRUTH.

Those who admit that they need help are above and beyond courageous. It takes massive balls to stand up and admit that you are weak, and vulnerable, and need help. Vulnerability, however, is one of the greatest choices in life...because it allows us to reap the rewards of a great risk. 

I had to admit that I could not do everything on my own, and allow other people to help me. Was it scary? TERRIFYING. Did I get rejected, put down, and criticized along the way? ABSOLUTELY. But I knew that what I was doing was right. [going to counseling in college, seeking mentorship from professors, talking to my roommate who became a close friend...continuing therapy until I found the *right* psychotherapist, and, yes, entering a mental hospital for 12 days in January 2009, and then again in 2010 per relapse]. 

I took some giant risks. The risk of being socially labeled "crazy", the risk of looking completely unstable and crazy to my already-judgmental family, the financial risk of paying for psychotherapy and doctor visits when I could barely afford it...the risk of trying different supplements and medications and reading as much as I could about the subjects that could aid my growth...on subjects from brain chemistry, to nutrition, to psychological disorders & patterns...[recommended must-read book list below].

Did I understand everything I read? No. Was I frustrated along the way? YES. Did I relapse? Yes. Do I still relapse? Yes. 

However, my relapses are becoming less frequent, less severe, and are lasting less time. I had to keep reminding myself also...

NO ONE BOOK, SUPPLEMENT, MEDICATION, EXERCISE OR TECHNIQUE IS GOING TO HEAL YOU FROM TOP TO TOE. 

That is because your illness is not caused by any one single source. 

Even though you may say, well, depression is caused by lack of serotonin...yes, that is one truth among many truths. Medication alone will not "cure" you, but a combination of many, many different things, can lead to your eventual triumph. 

***

No matter what we are suffering from, once we chose to conquer it, we must always remember that it will not be an easy path. Change and growth is difficult, painful, and effortful. This is why so many people avoid it.

I decided to enter psychotherapy, because I made the decision that I wanted to conquer my fears as a young adult, and because I did not want to repeat the mistakes of the past (my own mistakes, and, most importantly, the mistakes of my parents). I did not and do not want to become abusive towards others, or disguise my pain with alcohol or drugs or irrational, emotional decisions and behavior. 

It always sounded "unromantic" to me to "take control of my emotions"--I blockaded myself for years, saying "I'm not a robot!". This is true...I am human, I do have emotions, and I am allowed to express them. But the difference now is, I am not allowing my emotions to take over my rational thought, and therefore dictate my behavior and choices. Also, I am not allowing my emotions to harm other people that I love.

Therefore, I am conquering my mental illness. 

I will become the master of my emotions. It is a slow and gradual process. But I will triumph.

I hope you will join me.

High-Risk Signs of a Narcissistic Sociopath

HIGH-RISK SIGNS
	He is able to cast an almost irresistible hypnotic spell which draws you toward him. You are fascinated with his charm and you love to listen to him. He quickly wants to include you in his grandiose plans and future successes. You are excited that you have finally met "Mr. Right," since you can't see any obvious personal flaws.
	You can't seem to find many specific details about his troubled childhood. He was possibly abused or neglected. He has unresolved bonding breaks: a lengthy illness of himself or a primary caretaker; or a conflicted family; a divorce, or a delayed adoption. He has unresolved childhood problems, and is frequently childish and immature.
	His primary family relationships are marked by conflict and distance.  Or they seem to swing between cloying sweetness and war. These relationships may still control his life.
	He seems to have serious difficulty with authority figures such as bosses or law-enforcement officials. He may have had habitual run-ins with the law as a juvenile and as an adult which he may boast about. His work history is murky.
	When you go out with him it's either by yourselves or with his "new acquaintances" since he doesn't seem to have friends who go way back. People he introduces you to early in the relationship seem to disappear later on. His past loves have not been long-lasting relationships.
	He appears powerful and super self-confident, almost to an exaggerated point. He definitely likes to control others through words (conning), money, or physical strength. He is egotistical and self-centered. He is either moody and quiet or very talkative.
	He comes and goes and you don't really know where or with whom.
	You have mixed feelings about trusting him, and at times he seems sneaky. You think that he lies but he's hard to pin down, and he won't accept blame or express remorse when it is clearly his fault. He can sympathize but not empathize.
	You notice that he approaches sex in an aggressive, forward way. He usually has a voracious sexual appetite, especially at first, and you sense that he has been extremely promiscuous. He acts interested in you but he is primarily interested in seeking his own pleasure rather than sharing sensitively with his partner. He may become rough and interested in sado-masochistic practices. (Note: females are extremely seductive, flirtatious, and manipulative with their sexuality.)
	He seems impulsive and unsettled and rarely carries through on projects, saying he is now moving on to "bigger fish." He is always looking for more stimulation and excitement and takes unbelievable chances. His job history and education are usually scattered and unfinished, although he says that's his choice.
	You realize that he is manipulative, controlling and conning toward others and rarely displays kindness unless it's for direct personal gain. He may be kind to a cute waitress or sales client but is abusive and cold to a male waiter or a clerk. He is shallow and superficial.
	He appears closer to money than anything else. He is either tightly controlling and stingy with material items, letting you know how much everything costs, or he is parasitic in wanting to live off your labor. Be especially careful if he want to borrow or invest large sums of your money. He believe that he owns you and is extremely possessive and jealous.
	Be careful if he regularly consumes any drug, including alcohol, even if he tells you it's recreational and he can take it or leave it. Addictions are easy to cover at first so beware of mood changes. Be especially aware if he has a short fuse and displays indications of violent behavior.
	He may profess a religion but his actions indicate that he secretly delights in aligning with evil and the dark side of life. You sense that he has a cruel nature inside because he smiles at people's misfortune and pain.
	Finally, he is so believable and charming that despite many obvious high-risk symptoms you think that the problems between you are as much your fault as his and you just have to "love him" more to make a difference, even though deep inside you know he is Mr. Wrong.

Booking Form Now Available!

I am now available for photoshoots in my studio, located in Northeast Philadelphia!

I will mostly be working in the Philadelphia area, as the past two years became exhausting from traveling so much (and managing my wardrobe, hair, makeup, meals, medications, etc.). Now, I have all of my amenities in one place!

I work this way because I do all of the makeup, wardrobe, and styling myself, and have a collection of cool props and costume pieces. I am a creative person, and an artist, and I am not satisfied to simply show up, and look pretty. I chose modeling, because I was creative, experimental, theatrical, and...an ACTRESS!
(Also I also vascillate between wanting to perform, and wanting to clean house...yep, I actually LOVE organizing, cleaning, and planning...my personality is very complicated...lol!).

You'll find that I am very easy to work with, so long as you treat me, my staff, and my space with respect.

Anyway, if you are interested in Booking me for your project, please visit my booking page, and fill out the Booking Form! I am tapering off my responses to online bookings on Facebook, Myspace, and other networking sites, as it is too hard for me to keep track. You may also email me directly, at vixxaviolet@yahoo.com for any professional-related questions. I do not respond to personal emails.

I am very excited for 2011!

http://web.me.com/vixxaviolet/Vixxa_Violet/Booking.html

Thank You

I just thought you should know...

that I am very impressed. 

I am very impressed with your performance.

But, you see, I am an actor. A trained Thespian, if you will. 

And not just that. I am an actor that has based my theory, and my application, of acting, in Truth. 

I will think of you, often, in the beginning as I process you, and then...as time passes...every now and again...and finally, rarely...and only as a wonderful tool to teach my disciples and as a greatly-defined antithesis to what I will then call my boyfriend or partner or husband.  

I will remember the good things you have taught me. I will remember the laughs we shared, and the modes of thinking that are useful to me.

Your good tips on wearing only fresh, new garments in my photoshoots. And your very efficient workout techniques, adaptable to any time, place or situation.

And I will remember how you lied. I will remember exactly how you lied, so that I can catch the next one. In fact, I've already successfully snatched up two more of your types. I must say that I am quite proud of myself, and an incredibly quick learner.

And I am happy. 

I may not be running around with a giant "smile on my face", or with a new joke to tell. 

I may not have the perfect words to say, or the most gentle, lovable demeanor in which to deliver those words. 

No...my happiness...my goodness...runs to the very core of my soul. 

Goodbye, my friend. You have taught me very well. 

Ms. Violet

Updated Bio/Resume Page!! Please Visit :)

I just updated my Bio/Resume page! Please visit: http://web.me.com/vixxaviolet/Vixxa_Violet/Home.html


On that note...


I feel the need to reiterate that there is a MAJOR difference between an industry professional, and some girl off the street.


By "some girl off the street", I do not intend to imply that a beautiful woman should not be taken photos of or acknowledged in some public fashion for her beauty. I don't mean that a young woman in school shouldn't dabble in dancing or modeling as a possibility for her future. 
What I mean is...there are individuals who have trained, and trained, and worked, and worked, relentlessly, to become professional artists. 


I should not have to get a "regular job". I "went to school" like "everybody told me", and while I do not regret the experience, I left when I felt ready. 


I have been acting since the age of 10. My parents did not have money to send me to fancy Barbizon schools, or run me around to talent agencies. They made me work, and they made me study. 


I did my first musical...and stuck with it. I did not have it easy. Do not judge a piece of art by assuming that the final product is a snap. It is a laborious, soul-searching, disciplined process if you so desire to be a true artist. 


I will be a slave to my art. But I will not be a slave to man. And I will try my damndest to not become a slave to money, power, or greed (a few pennies in my pocket wouldn't hurt along the way...I mean...a girl does need to get her shoe-shop on)....


 I cannot allow myself to be treated like I don't know what I'm doing. It burns away my time, and disturbs my inner process. If u want to TFP forever with no names, or cast school teachers as television leads, go ahead. 
If you want top-of-the-line quality material, come to Vixxa.

Vixxa Violet Man's World Take I

leaves

leaves fall
in an empty room
nothing light
but crescent moon
nothing here
but passing time
nothing left but

Add caption

tears of mine.