This blog is designed to enlighten, inspire, and inform my audience. It is based on my personal experiences and what I have come to learn and grow from based on those experiences.

I blog on various topics, and post recent works of art including poetry, stories, photos, and featured articles of my latest work.

Topics include, but are not limited to: alternative health, psychology, domestic abuse, women's rights, the health care industry, exotic dancing industry, entertainment industry, and more.

Any psychological theory or content is based on numerous and well-researched data including, but not limited to, work of M. Scott Peck, Carl Jung, Dr. Daniel Amen, Dr. Barry Sears, and various, credible internet sources.


Enter, read and utilize at your own risk.



I would like to make 2 announcements:

1. I have decided to officially retire from the exotic dancing industry as an entertainer/dancer.

I still intend to dance and choreograph. However, I wish to remain freelance and a true independent contractor, free from mandations by gentlemens' clubs requiring me to "tip out" my hard-earned money to less than fully competent staff members who already earn an hourly wage income. I have loved music my entire life. HOWEVER. I will not work with any male producers other than relatives, and I already have the baddest-ass female DJ in PHILADELPHIA to coach me on DJing/ recording.

2. I am making my pops my official manager. So. U gotta go through him to get to me.

I could not find a better, more shrewd business man, and am certain he will never rip me off. Cuz he knows, if he did...I'd kick his f*ckin' ass. ;)

Music is the instrument of dance. I have been aching in sad silence over the current state of the music industry. So, I'm rebelling in more or less a 90's-era revival (really, ALL eras have their incredible influences, but I am a 90's kid after all, and I GOTTA represent for the white female rocker chicks which are in a current state of extinction...P!nk does NOT count, God dammit...*cries*). THIS era...well, quite frankly, I've been feeling like this is no era at all.

So, I will rejoice in listening to music that I LOVE and then if feel like shaking my ass and shedding clothing, it will be at my own discretion FOR TIPS ONLY, CASH UP-FRONT AND ON HAND...Hehe!! I have grown far past weary & exhausted of the emotional energy I have to spend on getting narcissistic, overly-ego-inflated strip club DJs to play WHAT I WANT TO HEAR...*GOLD CLUB PHILLY EXCLUDED FROM THIS DUMB-@$$-DJ-LIST, GC PHILLY BY FAR HAS THE BEST DJS IN THE TRI-STATE PERIOD & FAR SURPASS KNOWLEDGE IN MUSIC AND TASTE IN MUSIC THAN ALL OTHER DJS IN ANY REGULAR OR STRIP CLUB BY FARRR!!!*

Now then.

It's not much fun dancing when you can't stand the music.
I intend to teach myself/be mentored by smart-people-that-I-like-and-won't-try-to-molest-me in the technical aspects of audio recording and sound equipment.

I am so very Happy to have re-discovered my Life-Long Love Affair with Music.

Music is a moral law. 
It gives soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and charm and gaiety to life and to everything.


Queen of England

no one cares about art
or poetry
in this sickening world,
adrift at sea
where's the anchor, where's a mate?
where's the current history
'cept for emptiness, perversion
to the highest endth degree

if it's 2000 and ain't here,
who's to say we shan't
just turn back the hands of time
and go back from whence we came
Go to England once again,
let the Queen reign monarch-free
like a butterfly in the wind,
there's the March to Victory


window pane

living in this constant pain
persistant in this constant pain

only the persistant rain,
only the persistant rain,
will beat against my pane again


3 People Killed in Military-Themed Reality Show Taping

"Three people have been killed in a pre-dawn helicopter crash in a rural area of northern Los Angeles County while filming for a reality TV show.
Diaz said everyone on board died. The three people aboard the helicopter have not been identified.Los Angeles County Fire dispatcher Robert Diaz said the crash occurred about 3:40 a.m. Sunday at the Polsa Rosa Ranch in Acton. The ranch has been used as a film location.
Philip Sokoloski, a spokesman for FilmL.A., which processes filming permits for location shootings in the Los Angeles region, said a production company had been approved to use a helicopter for a reality TV show. The shoot was scheduled to go from Saturday afternoon into Saturday night.
The circumstances surrounding the crash are still unknown, Federal Aviation Administration spokesman Allen Kenitzer said.
He said the Bell 206B Jet Ranger had substantial damage. Both the FAA and the National Transportation Safety Board are investigating.
Permit paperwork shows Bongo, Inc. was working on an untitled military-theme TV program. Records also show Crossbow Helicopters received approval to participate in filming from the Federal Aviation Administration.
"We wouldn't have referenced helicopter activity if we didn't already have pre-approval from the FAA," Sokoloski said.
Television footage showed mangled wreckage in a rugged canyon area near Soledad Canyon Road.
According to its website, Polsa Rosa is a "movie ranch" where film crews can utilize a variety of terrains as well as two airstrips. The ranch, according to the Internet Movie Database, was used in "Windtalkers" and last year's remake of "Red Dawn.""*
Forgive me for saying this, but maybe it is time to take a break from the Reality shows. The town that they crashed in was called ACT on (Acton). Maybe it's time to clear room for the real actors, ie: artists who are trained to portray realistic characters in order to achieve completion of telling a story--in partnership with their screenplay writers and directors to create work of value, rather than indulge greedy producers who exploit nameless nobodies for profit and cheap, instant, meaningless "entertainment" aka mind drivel.
In this instance, I do not mean to categorize "military-theme TV" as nonsense, pointless drivel. By all means, military activity, however should be hidden and protected for the sake of the safety of this country! 
Leave things where they belong. 
*DIRECT SOURCE: Weber, Weber and Terry Tang, Associated Press. "Helicopter Kills 3 While Filming Reality TV Show". NBC News. 10. February, 2013.


3 Arrested in Shark Lounge strip raid in Daytona Beach, FLA

3 arrested in overnight Shark Lounge strip club raid

In category 
Written by: 195 on Mar 1, 2012
"DAYTONA BEACH, Fla. - Three people were arrested after Daytona Beach police wrapped up a 16-month investigation into prostitution and drugs sales at a strip club.

Officer raided The Shark Lounge in what they called "Operation Chum Bucket" early Thursday morning.

Officers said they found drugs, from pills to cocaine, and not strippers, but prostitutes inside the strip club, located on East International Speedway Boulevard.

One person was arrested on charges of selling drugs; another was arrested on prostitution charges and one other person for lewd and lascivious behavior, according to police.

Police said the names of those arrested will be released sometime Thursday.

The investigation started with undercover drug deals that were made with everyone from the dancers to the bartenders, even the strip club's customers, police said.

The police chief said he wants to shut the business down.

"It's a whorehouse, and you can get dope in here, you can do whatever you want to do and tonight is the first act of hopefully putting this place out of business," said Daytona Beach Police Chief Mike Chitwood.

Chitwood said the investigation began in November 2010 with undercover officers trying to buy drugs, but then the dancers started offering them sex for money. 
Chitwood said his officers were propositioned twice on Wednesday night.

Police said as soon as the dancers got the roughly $200 they were looking for, they handed it to the bartender. That's when witnesses said 15 officers raided the place.

A man who goes by the name "Boxer," said he was a bouncer at the strip club. He was not arrested, but WFTV asked if he knew about any crimes going on inside.

"All I do is I watch that door. I check IDs and I take care of the drunks. As far as the other stuff goes, I know nothing about it," Boxer said.

"Everyone knows that if you want to purchase sex with a dancer and you want to buy dope, you want to buy cocaine, and you want to buy pills, this is the place to come and do it," said Chitwood.

Chitwood said this investigation is far from over. He expects 15 more arrests.

WFTV also found out that the police busted the lounge for a number of code violations a couple years ago."*
May I comment here that dancers are not prostitutes, and that women who pose themselves as dancers need to stay out on the street, and not in the club.
...And anyone who solicits ME will get SLAPPED. 
Hehe. ;)

*SOURCE: Strip Club News. 7. Feb. 2013.


Lance Armstrong: Optimist or Narcissist?

"That’s what he called himself in the second installment of his Oprah interview: an optimist.  He said constitutionally, he’s built like his mother to look forward and not talk about the past.  And I suppose that’s what keeps a lot of narcissists out of therapy.  They just keep moving forward, leaving the wreckage of other people in the dust, devoid of self-reflection.

Interestingly, Lance himself said that he has been in therapy only sporadically, when he needs to be in continuously.  You can say that again.

The first half of the Oprah interview revealed a man incapable of true contrition, and to me, it’s because he seemed incapable of real empathy.  The absence of empathy is a cornerstone of narcissism, as well as its twin, sociopathy, something that is also in evidence in the pattern of Lance’s ruthless campaign against those who spoke out (truthfully) against him.

He admitted to bullying people, but didn’t look like he had any emotional connection to that statement.  He’d merely been “trying to control the narrative.”  In order to do that, he then admitted to suing so many people he wasn’t even entirely certain he could name them all.  He destroyed many people so that he could remain unsullied.  So that he could protect his reputation.
That’s another sign of his rampant narcissism: controlling the narrative–which is one of making yourself look superior to others–at all costs.  He wanted to preserve public opinion even as he hurt those closest to him, people he then branded as traitors.  In his personal narrative, they had betrayed him.  Because he’s not built to look back or to think deeply about others.  He trains to move forward.

Amazingly, he didn’t seem to think deeply even about his own children or the collateral damage they might become.  In the second half of his interview, he finally broke down, and it was while talking about how he had to confess to his 13-year-old son.  He told his son that he had lied, and his son should no longer bear the burden of defending him.

But Lance gave his son, gave all his five children, that burden to carry for years, on into the future as they attempt to make sense of their father’s disgrace, and grapple with his character.  Lance was so sure that he could control the narrative, so willing to annihilate to do so, that he appeared not to think about the possible consequences to his children, and the risk he was taking with their lives.

Most significantly, I noticed that even when Lance got emotional talking about his son, he never said anything about the example he has set for his children: what he taught them about the world and about integrity and about how we should and shouldn’t treat people.

What struck me, in that moment of Lance’s emotion, was that he was still not feeling the cost to his son; he was feeling the cost for himself.  He was having to face the relational consequence of his actions, and perhaps his fear that his children would see him as flawed.  But lucky for him, his son, his staunchest defender, immediately said, “Sure, Dad, no problem, I love you.”
And that, in its way, is troubling, too.  Was his son as dismissive of what Lance has done to other people, as Lance seems to be himself?  After all, Lance is now conducting his apology tour, but with a visible absence of contrition.

He destroyed people’s reputations and livelihoods.  He betrayed the ideals of his foundation (a foundation that now appears to have been more about feeding his personal ego than helping others, as he could have come clean a long time ago and bowed out and thus, ensured the continued success of their mission.)  He betrayed his children.

And in part 2, the more remorseful chapter of his interview, he still came back to himself: Others, he said, are serving a light sentence, while he got the ban for life.  ”A death sentence,” he called it.  He doesn’t think that’s fair.
But is he doing this interview as a way to lift the lifetime ban? No, he says.  It’s for his children.  He’s “gotta get this right for them.”  The naivete and the hubris of thinking that he can do that with an Oprah interview is staggering.  To me, that’s fully florid narcissism. But then, one woman’s narcissism is another man’s optimism.

Oh, and what is Lance’s son supposed to say if any kids bring this up?  ”Do not defend me,” Lance says, “just say, ‘Hey, my dad said he was sorry.’”  And clearly, that should take care of all of it."*

SOURCE: Brown, Holly. "Lance Armstrong: Optimist or Narcissist?". 23. Jan. 2013.


Give the man a break!! After all, your hard-earned money spent on "LIVESTRONG" bracelets went directly to...CANCER RESEARCH! Thank God they found a cure! 

Wait...there is STILL no cure for cancer of the balls? 
Oh. Damn.


Answered Fan Mail: How to Cope with Overwhelming Expectations & Few Resources

I got this question in an email with a fan (and fellow artist), and had to respond in blog format, as it is an age-old battle that I've been trying to conquer in many different ways throughout the years. 

"I've got to do at least three new pieces for this art show before the end of the month and I'm stressing out. So many things for one little brain to deal with. How do you cope with overwhelming expectations, and too few resources!?"

Uhh...well, adderall is my very close and personal friend in crunch times like these...

But seriously. There are a few organizational techniques that I do to help with overwhelming thoughts and expectations, and handle stress. There are also several supplements and dietary changes that can help, as well.

1) Meditation
When/if you're feeling too overwhelmed, I always recommend taking a step back to clear your mind.
Meditation is a great exercise for clearing all of the "jam-up" or overload of thoughts in your mind, worries and concerns.
Some free audio meditations that I use are: (free audio meditations can also be found on iTunes)

2) Make SMART Goals.
The acronym called "SMART" Goals helps you define and plan your actions in a realistic action plan. The acronym describes the type of goals you should be setting for yourself in order to accomplish all the tasks on your list.

Specific - "I will be finished my first piece by Friday at 7pm."
Measurable - "One piece should be done by Friday; I will allow myself three days for the next, and another three to finish the last."
Attainable - Make sure that your goals are achievable. Don't set yourself on finishing three pieces in a weekend cram session.
Realistic - Be realistic with yourself. Personally, I am a slow learner. I know that, while I would *love* to achieve such-and-such by x date, I am someone that needs a lot of down time, and have to maintain a certain lifestyle in order to maintain my mental and physical health (so, factor in time to eat, sower, sleep, and do your life stuff).
Timely - Make sure that you are able to decipher between Immediate Goals (finishing the pieces for the show, getting them entered, showing up to the event in a timely manner with all of your supplies, etc...); once you are past this show, you can then begin to focus on Short-Term Goals (for example: Do one show per month or Spend $40.00/month on art supplies); and Long-Term Goals (sell x amount of pieces over the year; enter a piece into a major gallery) on and so forth.

3) Supplements -
Rhodiola. Rhodiola is an adaptogenic herb that assists the body in coping with stress. It also helps fight mental and physical fatigue.
Ashwaghanda. Also an adaptogenic herb.
Korean Ginseng. For mental focus and clarity.
Of course, a good, whole-food multi-vitamin. Fish oil or flax seed oil and a good B-complex supplements is also helpful for overall energy and focus. (Take a B-COMPLEX over just B12 or B6...the entire compound works better together than an isolated B12 for example, which does not absorb entirely into the body).

4) Get enough sleep & exercise.
Even a daily 20-minute walk is good to keep your anxiety at a manageable level. Sleep is a MUST, and I know from being a starving artist and resident thespian that long hours are often mandatory at times. So, get your 8 hours in while you can, and stay on a regular circadian rhythm (up with the sun, relax and wind down at night time).

and 5) Get it done, and don't try for perfection.
I am a big hypocrite here, but I *really* do try to remind myself daily: Perfection does not exist.
Ideals and standards, technique are all par for the creative process, but often it stands in our own way as a huge mental/creative block.
Another great saying or way of thought is, "Done is better than perfect".
I had a friend once tell me that he used to give motivational speeches to large crowds of sales recruits and employees. He would often sweat over trying to make it good, and take time and space to pump himself up before every speech. But, a colleague went up to him once and said, "Dude...don't try to be great. Just give the speech." It was one of the best speeches he ever made.

So...Don't try to be great. Just finish the pieces, get your butt out there and follow through with the task: selling that artwork, and expanding your name.

6) As for resources, and conservation of them....just remember: Your resources are finite, so try to use them efficiently. God knows it's impossible to stick to ever budget by the dime, or allow for completely efficient time use. But, your resources are: Time, Money, and Energy. Ultimately, they are basically all the same thing. It's hard to work on little money, but being a creative person allows you to find shortcuts by finding cheap supplies, multi-tasking, and maximizing your profit. And don't be afraid of your inner salesman. Get that MONEY when you sell your artwork!!! Build rapport, and customer relationships. Listen to what people like or would like to see. So, next time you won't be as limited on ideas for subjects or on cash.

Hope that helps!!


Temporary Website Back Up & Running!!!

Well, my friends...
it's not a giant leap, but it is a small step of progress in the right direction.

Unfortunately (for me), the software that I used (which was iWeb...and I am a slow it took me about 2 years to start getting really proficient with the stuff) was discontinued earlier this year.

Luckily, I managed to save the entire original site on a hard drive for reference, but I kind of felt like a woman who had lost her baby. (I get overly-attached to things, ESPECIALLY if it's artistic or creative content).

I've been sampling free software here and there, and kind of threw this up (with Wix...which kinda blows, but it works):
So, at least folks can sample my portfolio, reel, blog, bio/resume, and contact info.

I have literally nothing for overhead to fund merchandise. But, I am keeping my eyes and ears and options open to possible investors orrrr people who just like to give money to poor, aspiring artists with something meaningful (and slightly sexy) to say. Charity is a wonderful thing.

I should have 8x10's available shortly for sale online. In the meantime, stay classy. Stay with me. And for the love of God, look at this incredible Batman-Jesus statue. It has made me a BELIEVER again!!!

MUAHAHAHA...**The Dark Knight Shall Rise Again**...
Photo Source: 12. Jan. 2013.


pool time

i'm hungry.
but i don't feel like cooking.

i'm tired.
but i can't sleep.

and i'm sick again,
but at least
i can weep.

i went to the pool, and i sat in the hot tub
and cried
while old men
shuffled in
and shuffled out
i was not trying to make it glaringly obvious;
but part of me did not care.
part of me was screaming, "What are you looking at, you old fuck?!!?!"
while i swam laps in the pool
and talked to myself.

What people see in these photos,
is the way I want to be.
Healthy and keen and sharp and strong. In control.

But I am nothing.
I am a nobody.
It's just a mirage of beauty that will never be recognized by the one who matters most.
And when I amount to nothing, I know that he won't only not be proud,
but he just won't give a fuck.


17-Stripper Brawl in Austin, TX

*AUSTIN, Texas (CBS Houston) — A strip club patron almost lost his eye during a brawl involving 17 strippers.
According to KXAN-TV, the fight between the strippers began in the dressing room at Hot Bodies in Austin on Oct. 26. That’s when authorities say 21-year-old Victoria Perez threw her high-heel shoe, hitting a man in the eye.
Austin police tell KVUE-TV that the tip of theheel struck the man in the left eye, leaving him with injuries so severe that he might likely lose it.
The stripper riot was caught on surveillance video. Authorities say Perez told them that she “may have” thrown her high heel.

“In the manner of its use, the high heel shoe could have been a deadly weapon,” the affidavit stated, according to KXAN.
Perez was arrested and charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. She is being held on $50,000 bail.
The unidentified man has been treated and released from the hospital but he is still unable to see out of his left eye, according to media reports.
See,'s behavior like this that adds to the stereotypical reputation as trashy, classless girls. I think we could all use a little, uh...GROWING UP! (the exception being me, of course...;)