What's With the Name?

I guess its time I explain my name.

First off, I knew I needed a stage name. I knew that I just didn't have a last name that was built for show-biz. Every (just about) famous actor, musician, artist...changes or alters their name in some fashion to have an easier, more fluid ring to it. I wanted something simple, something direct...something unforgettable, and something with meaning.

Back when I was a young buc, I made my original myspace, and my url became "purple vixxen".
I loved the color purple, and felt that it represented me well: purple was the color of depth, mystery, royalty...but it wasn't your standard color. Plus, I had in many ways begun to identify myself with the artist, Prince, who we all know is the man in purple.

Purple vixxen was ok. But it needed to be better, more smooth sounding.
So, I came up with violet vixxen. But, then, I still felt like a 'noun'. I wanted a name like "Carmen Electra", who was one of my idols. I read that her name was created by Prince, and was a conjunction of his two favorite plays: Carmen (the opera) and Mourning Becomes Electra by Eugene O'Neill.

So, I hacked off the end of 'vixxen' (spelled with two x's, just for url purposes, i needed something that noone else had). And I added an a. Now, it was a real name. Vixxa Violet.

The name took on layers and layers of meaning, and still does.
One of the main factors is that: the two names represent the two completely different sides of my personality.
On the one hand, I was this bold, sexy, powerful, strong...vixen! (or, wanted to be, ideally...like a Spice Girl, or an X-Men superhero). It represented the me that was bold, took risks, performed on stage, and said what she thought.

Violet, however...was my very, very deep, artistic, introverted, sensitive side. The one that wrote poetry and listened to The Cure and fell head-over-heels in unrequited love. The outcast. The loner.

The only other name I seriously considered before that was Vilma Grace. Vilma was my granny's name, who is now deceased. To me, she represented light and peace. After she died, I was never given any of her belongings or anything to remember her by...except for a little pin of a white dove.
Grace was my middle name.

Ironically, if you take the "L" and "M" out of Vilma...you get Vixxa. The two x's are crosses...crosses that I've had to bear in order to forge ahead what I hope will be the success of the lineage of women who were beaten, put down, and enslaved by their husbands.

I desperately wanted to get away from my last name.
Just about every person in my family with my last name has ended up seriously mental, addicted to drugs, death by cancer...it is a lineage of evil, death and destruction. (Vilma was married in to the family, so I don't really count the in-laws as inherently evil).

So, yeah. I could go on, but...that's all I shall say for now.

PS. Hold up two "V"s with your fingers, and look at what you have. This is what I'm after.

What Makes a 'Man'

What makes a Man?

I really feel for men. I do. Society is very hard on men. It sends them subliminal messages that they have to dominate, control, win...be the best, have the best. Male society typically rests the "quality" of a man on his possessions: how much money does he make, does he have a beautiful wife or girlfriend, how many homes does he own? So on and so forth...

I saw a commercial the other day.
I forget what the commercial was for, but it played during the football game. (obviously geared/targeted towards men). In the commercial, (lets just say for arguments sake it was Axe), they showed a guy in therapy. But, the therapist was a football coach. The guy was like "I think yellow makes me sad because..."
And the coach / "therapist" was like "You wanna get tough? Forget all these feelings!! While you're off in namby-pamby land, I'll be using this Axe deoderant to get chicks!"

((Or something like that...you get the idea. ))

First of all...No. 
Going to therapy does not make you a sissy, a wimp, or a wuss.
Also, there is this notion that all you do in therapy is "talk about your feelings". Well, number one...that's not true. And two...even if it was, so what??!
We do not get to talk about our feelings at our job. We don't get to talk about our feelings with our boss, our co-workers, most of our friends (especially if you're a man!!), even our girlfriends...so many of them are busy riding us about how much money we're making, and whether or not we took the trash out.

So, understandably...men shove their feelings down. They have to provide, win, compete, achieve.
Then, we girls expect them to want to share their feelings with us and tell us how they feel.

To some degree, this is warranted. I am very verbal, and I express my feelings fairly well, for the most part. To a large degree, I was raised like a boy. I was forced to work, told to achieve, and very rarely got to "just have fun". So, a lot of people in the 'real world' began telling me that I had 'trouble with communicating'.

We all have trouble communicating. Communication is inherently flawed.
But, I will say...that therapy makes a person way better at it. By talking about feelings, repressed memories, whatever...you're learning to identify what the feeling was, why it made you feel that way, and why it was ok to feel the way you did. There is no right or wrong. It is a process of learning who and what you are. It is a process of acceptance, and ultimate self-love.

So many chicks walk around with this attitude like, "I ain't f*ckin' with no man, I'm working on me!!".
Well...then, work. Do real work. Don't just say you're gonna do it, actually step up, have some balls, and do it. This does not include getting wasted, partying with your girls, and having one night stands.

And you men...do the same. Stop expecting to find the "one" when you have not found yourself.

It takes strength to admit weakness. It takes the ability to surrender to finally become the captain.

ANTI-Biotics Means "Anti-Life"

I was watching a TV show program on WHYY, called 'The Road to Perfect Health'.

Because I suffer from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome / Fibromyalgia, I have begun an extensive exploration of my entire body and health system...from my brain chemistry, to my body chemistry...from my lymphatic system to my endocrine system to my pH levels to my colon.
While it has been necessary for me to take certain medications to manage my Bipolar, I have always stayed as up-to-date on natural and holistic treatments. I've always exercised, taken fish oil, eaten lots of fruits and vegetables...even my family has remarked on how much I do to maintain and better my health...yet I still stay tired, depressed, sick.

However, I have been on at least 6 to 7 different anti-biotics in my lifetime. At 9 years old, I began to get boils. Boils are skin legions that would develop from an infection in the body.
What did the doctors do? (Of course...and no, I don't blame my parents here)...they gave me anti-biotics.
I had at lest 2 other staff infections before age 20 which 'required' antibiotics.

At age 12 or 13, I began to get acne.

Very bad acne.

Over the next six years, I tried every over-the-counter and prescription acne medication you can think of. Proactiv, Differin, every salicylic acid and benzoyl peroxide and sulfur product. Tea tree oil skin care products from the Body Shop. Then, finally....my dermatologist placed me on at least four different anti-biotics including Bactrim, Tetracycline...at sixteen, on birth control...the last, final, recommended step was Accutane.

(As desperate as I was to have clear skin...I refused to take Accutane. Thank God. I'd probably have a failed liver or have committed suicide had I done it.)

The point is: antibiotics translates to "kill" "life" (bios). The antibiotic supposedly "kills" the "harmful bacteria". HOWEVER. It is also killing GOOD bacteria. Hence 'probiotic'...often we hear the word probiotic in yogurt (esp. live culture Greek yogurt or Activia). These bacteria are good, and they promote  healthy digestion.

I know anti-biotics have done major damage to my immune system. Other medications, as well...including everything from anti-depressants to processed food, etc. 

So...what do I suggest??

1) Stop taking anti-biotics. Unless you have a severe illness, or it is a life or death situation, of course.

2) Supplement with probiotics. I need to get on this!

Greek yogurt has lots of natural pro-biotics. You can also take a digestive enzyme (I'll follow up with good enzyme supplements).

3) Limit processed food. Eat LIVE food. Fruits, veggies, water. Coconut Oil is great for the digestive system.

4) Avoid unnecessary vaccines, like Gardasil, flu vaccine, etc. 

Here's to a healthy gut in 2011!!