Powerful Affirmations.

Thank You, Anne Lewis

When I was in college, I had a professor named Anne Lewis. She was my first semester acting prof., and a personal mentor who guided me out of a lot of the trauma that I was re-experiencing upon leaving my dad.

Anne was tough. But loving and kind. She commanded respect. I admired her. She replaced the shattered role model of what a real woman should be.

Anne told me, in my first semester..."You have a gift for honesty."
I was thankful for that: both, that I had the gift, and moreso, that somebody...somebody of value...saw it.

I will never forget when I spoke with her about leaving the Theatre major, or college altogether.
She did not agree that I should drop out, or even take a Leave of Absence...she gave me opinions on dropping or keeping the major. But, she said something that always stuck with me:

"It doesn't matter what field you're in, Laura. You will be a success. Because you are a hard worker."

I was never "talented". I never "got the part" on luck. I never just "got a good grade". I was never just "given money".
So, I had to work. Sometimes I worked too hard, and not efficiently. Over time, I have whittled down my skill sets to work smart, rather than hard and laboriously.

And now, I have 100% faith in what she told me. I will never allow anyone to tell me otherwise.

Depeche Mode - Policy Of Truth (not live) [Violator]

Patience

‘Patience does not mean to passively endure.  It means to be farsighted enough to trust the end of a process.

What does patience mean?  To look at the thorn and see the rose, to look at the night and see the dawn.  Impatience means to be so shortsighted as to not be able to see the outcome. 

 The lovers of God never run out of patience, for they know that time is needed for the crescent moon to become full.’

What is a Narcissist?

Written by Sam Vaknin   What is Narcissism? A pattern of traits and behaviors which signify infatuation and obsession with one's self to the exclusion of all others and the egotistic and ruthless pursuit of one's gratification, dominance and ambition. Most narcissists (75%) are men. (HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! YAY for us women being abused by women-hating narcissistic men!!!) NPD is one of a "family" of personality disorders (formerly known as "Cluster B").

Other members: Borderline PD, Antisocial PD and Histrionic PD. Pathological narcissism was first described in detail by Freud. Other major contributors are: Klein, Horney, Kohut, Kernberg, Millon, Roningstam, Gunderson, Hare. The onset of narcissism is in infancy, childhood and early adolescence. It is commonly attributed to childhood abuse and trauma inflicted by parents, authority figures, or even peers. There is a whole range of narcissistic reactions - from the mild, reactive and transient to the permanent personality disorder. Narcissists are either "Cerebral" (derive their narcissistic supply from their intelligence or academic achievements) - or "Somatic" (derive their narcissistic supply from their physique, exercise, physical or sexual prowess and "conquests"). Narcissists are either "Classic" - see definition below - or they are "Compensatory", or "Inverted" - see definitions here: "The Inverted Narcissist". NPD is treated in talk therapy (psychodynamic or cognitive-behavioral). The prognosis for an adult narcissist is poor, though his adaptation to life and to others can improve with treatment. Medication is applied to side-effects and behaviors (such as mood or affect disorders and obsession-compulsion) - usually with some success. (Ha...good luck trying to get a N into therapy...they avoid it like the plague).  NPD is often diagnosed with other mental health disorders ("co-morbidity") - or with substance abuse, or impulsive and reckless behaviors ("dual diagnosis"). NPD is new (1980) mental health category in the Diagnostic and Statistics Manual (DSM). There is only scant research regarding narcissism. But what there is has not demonstrated any ethnic, social, cultural, economic, genetic, or professional predilection to NPD. It is estimated that 0.7-1% of the general population suffer from NPD. **I WOULDN'T READ ANYTHING INTO THIS STATISTIC--IT IS WAY HIGHER THAN THAT, AND I KNOW IT FOR A FACT. MOST N'S ARE NEVER DISCOVERED, because they do not engage in criminal / outwardly unacceptable behavior--thus, keeping the illusion of grandeur and perfection intact. An all-pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behaviour), need for admiration or adulation and lack of empathy, usually beginning by early adulthood and present in various contexts. Five (or more) of the following criteria must be met: Feels grandiose and self-important (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents to the point of lying,demands to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements) Is obsessed with fantasies of unlimited success, fame, fearsome power or omnipotence, unequalledbrilliance (the cerebral narcissist), bodily beauty or sexual performance (the somatic narcissist), or ideal, everlasting, all-conquering love or passion Firmly convinced that he or she is unique and, being special, can only be understood by, should only be treated by, or associate with, other special or unique, or high-status people (or institutions) Requires excessive admiration, adulation, attention and affirmation - or, failing that, wishes to be feared and to be notorious (narcissistic supply) Feels entitled. Expects unreasonable or special and favorable priority treatment. Demands automaticand full compliance with his or her expectations Is "interpersonally exploitative", i.e., uses others to achieve his or her own ends Devoid of empathy. Is unable or unwilling to identify with or acknowledge the feelings and needs of others Constantly envious of others or believes that they feel the same about him or her Arrogant, haughty behaviours or attitudes coupled with rage when frustrated, contradicted, or confronted Some of the language in the criteria above is based on or summarized from: American Psychiatric Association. (2000). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders, fourth edition, Text Revision (DSM IV-TR). Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Association. The text in italics is based on: Sam Vaknin. (2003). Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited, fourth, revised, printing. Prague and Skopje: Narcissus Publication. Based on my life experience, I believe NPD is VERY high in director/producer types. Yes, it is good (and healthy) to have a vision, and believe in that vision...and see it through. There are also very healthy types of narcissism (especially for abuse victims who have been beaten down their whole lives, and told that it is THEY who are the problem).  However...I've seen it a gazillion times: director/producer shmoozes/charms/talks his way into the ideal "fantasy" of his TV show, his production company, his movie...he targets young, budding "actress" types who want to excel and succeed...then he uses them for their talent, beauty, time and gives basically nothing in return but criticism and excuses. (I have references, ladies....feel free to contact me @ vixxavioletmodel@gmail.com).