pool time

i'm hungry.
but i don't feel like cooking.

i'm tired.
but i can't sleep.

and i'm sick again,
but at least
i can weep.

i went to the pool, and i sat in the hot tub
and cried
while old men
shuffled in
and shuffled out
i was not trying to make it glaringly obvious;
but part of me did not care.
part of me was screaming, "What are you looking at, you old fuck?!!?!"
while i swam laps in the pool
and talked to myself.

What people see in these photos,
is the way I want to be.
Healthy and keen and sharp and strong. In control.

But I am nothing.
I am a nobody.
It's just a mirage of beauty that will never be recognized by the one who matters most.
And when I amount to nothing, I know that he won't only not be proud,
but he just won't give a fuck.

17-Stripper Brawl in Austin, TX

*AUSTIN, Texas (CBS Houston) — A strip club patron almost lost his eye during a brawl involving 17 strippers.

According to KXAN-TV, the fight between the strippers began in the dressing room at Hot Bodies in Austin on Oct. 26. That’s when authorities say 21-year-old Victoria Perez threw her high-heel shoe, hitting a man in the eye.

Austin police tell KVUE-TV that the tip of theheel struck the man in the left eye, leaving him with injuries so severe that he might likely lose it.

The stripper riot was caught on surveillance video. Authorities say Perez told them that she “may have” thrown her high heel.

“In the manner of its use, the high heel shoe could have been a deadly weapon,” the affidavit stated, according to KXAN.

Perez was arrested and charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. She is being held on $50,000 bail.

The unidentified man has been treated and released from the hospital but he is still unable to see out of his left eye, according to media reports.

*CBS Houston. 05 Nov. 2012. http://houston.cbslocal.com/2012/11/05/police-brawl-among-17-strippers-causes-man-to-almost-lose-his-eye/

See, strippers...it's behavior like this that adds to the stereotypical reputation as trashy, classless girls. I think we could all use a little, uh...GROWING UP! (the exception being me, of course...;)

VV in Leg Show Publication May 2012!!

Definition: Tipping & Taxes in PHILADELPHIA

Definition: Tipping & Taxes in PHILADELPHIA 
1ST DRAFT
tip - (n) a payment given for services in excess of the standard charge; gratuity* 
*SOURCE Dictionary.com. 10. February, 2012. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/tip 
TIP-RECIPIENT EMPLOYEES (aka: “service workers”) Per my understanding, there is a vast range of employees who are tip-recipients or receive gratuities in exchange for their services. This includes, but is not limited to: 
-parking garage attendants 
-bathroom attendants 
-food service workers - waiters, waitresses, bartenders, delivery people (I’m tempted to write “delivery guys” because typically it is men or guys who do delivery...I, TOO, HAVE TO REMIND MYSELF THAT GENDER ROLES AND SOCIETAL STANDARDS ARE CONSTANTLY CHANGING...it is 2012, even if I do have a penchant for 1940’s glamour and I like to live in imaginary alternate eras as a way to entertain my acting side...*sigh*) 
-entertainers - jugglers, street musicians, exotic dancers, gogo dancers (although as a gogo dancer I have generally made a certain amount per shift...for example, $150 for 2 hours from 12am-2am, plus tips...it depends on the club, what type of club it is, what the laws are in that district or region of that particular state...SIGH...this is why I don’t enjoy traveling to do shows much, because I have to re-orient myself to COMPLETELY new territory, different driving laws, different club laws, different clientele base...and let’s face it...I have ADD, not to mention hypersensitivity to new environments, so you can see why it stresses me out BIG TIME...) 
-hotel accomodat...ers?: bellhops (guy who carries your luggage), the shuttle guy, the concierge or whatever 
-cab drivers 

Insomuch as employees of gentlemens’ clubs go, tip recipients include: 
-bouncers 
-door guys 
-couch room attendants 
-bathroom attendants 
-champagne room hostesses / hosts 
-managers 
-djs 
-bartenders 
-waitresses 
-shot girls 
-massage girls 
-exotic dancers

 CUSTOMS ON TIPPING NOW...per my understanding, it is customary to tip a waiter or waitress 20% of your bill at minimum. The waiter receives a below-minimal wage of approximately $2.25 per hour. Depending on the establishment (ie: Applebee’s vs. a diner vs. a high-end restaurant like del Frisco’s in Philadelphia...), the tips are either pooled, or, the waiter takes his/her own tips and that’s it. They fill out a W-2, and they may or may not report all of their cash income. [[My mother used to wait tables while attending Art College (this was approximately 1972 in San Francisco), and refused to pool her tips (meaning, put her tip into a large jar with everyone else’s tips and split them up evenly amongst all of the waiters). Why, you may ask?? Because...unlike the majority of service workers, she busted her ass, and did her job extremely well. Then, the people who wanted to slack off or be lazy that day would receive more money, therefore, becoming more crippled by the establishment and less incited to work competently.]] I *believe* many chain pizza places (ie: Domino’s,Papa John’s) have an added-in gratuity for delivery service. I generally still try to throw the guy a couple extra bucks, because, hey...he’s delivering pizza in the dead of winter, and that’s gotta suck. I generally tip the non-chain delivery guy more because he is usually a nice immigrant who is happy to work in America and is working hard to support a family or send money back to his family overseas...and he receives no gratuity, or if he does, it’s probably a percentage. Not to mention...he’s delivering pizza in the dead of winter...and that’s gotta suck...he’s gotta keep the car running, scrape the ice off, avoid accidents, which, in normal weather is near-impossible in f*CKING PHILADELPHIA and New Jersey...and so on...Many chain restaurants (ie: TGI Fridays, Applebees) may pool tips, but I’m not sure. Typically, franchise or independently-owned restaurants or businesses (aka: “mom and pop shops”) rely way more on tips and cash influx because they are not protected by a larger corporation. Thus, they retain independent and “freedom of trade” if you will (my personal preference...since I am of an entrepreneurial spirit and small-business mindset)...the benefits of working for a chain is that there is generally a) is generally more structure b) more benefits offered (insurance, IRA’s, etc etc.) and c) if you get fired illegally or are discriminated against, you can probably sue them for a whole lot of freakin’ money. 
Now...as far as bartenders go, I remain ignorant of their exact income since I am a non-drinker and have never paid for my own drink (minus a bottle of water or Red Bull...in which I tip the bartender at least $2.00). As far as I know, nowadays bartenders make approximately $25.00 to $75.00 per roughly a 5-6 hour shift. [Yes, I know drink prices are very high...especially at gentlemen’s clubs. 
City taxes are very high. Philadelphia city taxes are approximately 8%, which is higher than the standard Pennsylvania 6% sales tax on non-food and non-clothing items]. And, yes, I know they charge a cover fee. 

I do not receive any wage per hour whatsoever. I do retain the ability to sell lap dances at $20-$30 a pop. While this is extremely good money (hello...$20.00 for 4 minutes of work??!!!?!)...I receive $15.00 or $20.00 of every lap dance I do.  
Just sayin'.

Pro-Choice = Pro-WOMAN

http://prowomanprochoice.org

"RECLAIMING FEMINISM FROM THE CLUTCHES OF SO-CONS!"
if anyone had a question on my view on the abortion issue...well, i feel i've made it fairly obvious. 
and now...for a little george carlin (aka "GOD") on the topic...

Vixxa's Theoretical Ideal Man part II: REVISED 2nd DRAFT

Honest & straight-forward.

Just and fair from a moral, ethical, and legal standpoint.

Brilliant.

Heterosexual.

Prefers liberal arts or sciences over money &  business .

Strong provider and protector. Preferably an outlaw. ;) 

Sober. 

Clean.

Spiritually inclined. Non-Christian. Non-Atheist. 

Romantic ;) 

Confident / cocky (in a good way)

Nationality/ethnicity standpoint...could be a mix of any of the following: Italian, Native American, German, Slovak, Jamaican, Puerto Rican, Japanese, African, English, French, Greek, mediterranean

Non-caucasian and NOOOOO IRISH MEN. 

I have REVISED MY BATMAN / BRUCE WAYNE THEORY, in exchange for the Gary Oldman version of Commissioner Gordon Theory. 

Like...seriously, Batman??

You didn’t kill the Joker. You are SUCH a pussy. 

Vixxa’s Theoretical Ideal Man Recipe.

1 part Gary Oldman as Commissioner Gordon in the Christopher Nolan Batman series 

1 part Roger Rabbit (let me count the ways....total devotion to Jessica and can make her laugh!! AWW.)

1 part Rob Zombie. Rocker, likes horror and goth stuff, but seems like he would be a ton of fun and very smart and probably tons of fun in bed.

1 part Gingerbread Man **SEE BELOW**. 

((I’m keeping my former Batman Theory up for general entertainment)). 

Original Batman/Bruce Wayne Theory

--minus leaving me in the end to be a crusader and stressing and worrying about him dying.

Other possible pit-fall(s) on dating Batman: 

-caring more about society than me. Ultimately we would need to compromise and although I would support his crusade and pursue an independent life and mission of my own, I would also need to come first...cuz if momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

-Will most likely need psychotherapy to better communication skills and not process his own traumatic past.

Plusses for dating the caped crusader:

-million dollar bank account

-big mansion where I could do Vixxa photo-shoots anytime I wanted with any theme and any costume, outfit, and props I wanted

-wicked car that's 100% bullet and fire proof

-kinky bat cave where we could be all alone

-cool butler AND private chauffeur that offers words of wisdom at the perfect moment and happens to be MICHAEL CAINE 

-tortured, deep soul who could empathize with my issues with PTSD 

-genuinely good man out to destroy destroy evil

-sweet martial arts training

-access to bangin' hallucinogens (hahaha, actually I'm not really into hallucinogens, unless they were part of a really bad-ass warrior training ala Rahj A Ghoul...i still don't know how to spell his name...).

Watch for any further revisions. ;)

Definitions of Abuse

How can we stop or prevent something of which we are not aware of?

As a dancer, a model, and even a retail sales manager in the mall, I have experienced things that, in retrospect, I did not recognize as abuse because abuse (to me) was normal...I had been abused by my dad, so had grown familiar with a sneaky abuser’s tactics.

Fortunately, through different friendships and relationships, as well as counseling, reading, and therapy, I learned what abuse was. One main thing to realize is that abuse is a violation of your boundaries. Sometimes, we “abuse” each other in small ways, but these often turn out to be harmless. It is when the abuse becomes chronic, or repetitive, or continues after you’ve asked the person to stop the behavior that bothers you, that it really becomes a problem. 

I mention “dancers” here specifically, because the modeling/dancing industry attracts some very good, pretty, smart women that have psychological damage from upbringing and abusive relationships. They often end up having to make ends meet on their own, and forge careers against challenging circumstances. Please read, and check out the other sites listed below as great reference tools!!

Stay Safe!!

--Vixxa

Emotional Abuse
Emotional abuse includes hurting another person's feelings by saying cruel, unfair comments or by name calling, such as:

1. •cursing, swearing and/or screaming at you
2. •repeated harassment, interrogation or degradation
3. •attacks on self-esteem and/or insults to your person (name-calling, put-downs, ridicule)
4. •attacks on and/or insults about people you care for, your family and friends
5. •threatening to "come out for you" at work or to your family
6. •controlling and/or limiting your behavior (e.g.: keeping you from using the phone or seeing friends, not letting you leave the room or the house, following you and monitoring or limiting your phone conversations, checking the mileage on your car, or keeping you from reading material, ideas, activities and places that he does not like)
7. •interrupting you while you are eating, forcing you to stay awake or to get up from sleep
8. •blaming you for everything that goes wrong
9. •forcing you to do degrading things (e.g.: making you kneel, making you beg for money)
10. •using the difference in physical size to intimidate you
11. •criticizing your thoughts, feelings, opinions, beliefs and actions
12. •treating you like a servant or "underling" in matters of household chores and decisions
13. •being extremely jealous, constantly accusing you of flirting or of cheating
14. •spitting at or near you
15. •using money to control you (e.g.: taking money from you, giving you an allowance, controlling how extra money is spent, forcing you to ask for and account for any money you get, and acting like the work you do at home is of no economic value to the family)
16. •telling you that you are "sick" and need therapy
17. •using physical disabilities against you or putting you down for your disability

Psychological Abuse 

Psychological abuse is any threat to do bodily harm to a partner, a child, a family member, friends, pets, or one's self (suicide).  Psychological abuse involves not only hurt and anger, but also fear and degradation.  The purpose of psychological abuse is to render you emotionally insecure about your own self-worth and to render you helpless and/or not able to escape further physical, sexual and/or psychological abuse. Examples include your partner:

1. •threatening to punch, hit, slap or kick
2. •threatening to use a weapon
3. •threatening to harm him/her-self if you leave
4. •threatening to punish children to "get back" at you
5. •threatening to harm pets 

          throwing objects in your direction

1. •vague threats such as: "You're going to get it," or "I'm really going to let you have it"
2. •harming a pet to "get back" at you
3. •smashing and breaking things
4. •throwing objects around the room
5. •punching walls, slamming doors
6. •hiding, stealing or destroying your possessions
7. •sabotaging your car
8. •any emotional abuse which in the past was a prelude to physical or sexual abuse

[The following are more applicable to personal relationships, but may be applicable to professional relationships]:

Sexual Abuse
Sexual abuse is any non-consenting sexual act or behavior.  Examples include your partner forcing sexual activity when:

1. •you indicate "no" and your limits are not respected
2. •you are sleeping 
3. •you are drunk or high and are unable to say "no"
4. •you are afraid to say "no" 
5. •insists that you dress in a more sexual way than you wish to dress
6. •makes demeaning remarks about how you dress
7. •makes demeaning remarks about your body and/or body parts
8. •minimizes your feelings about sex
9. •berates you about your sexual history; blames you if you were sexually abused in the past or as a child
10. •criticizes you sexually (calling you "frigid" or “prude”, for example)
11. •insists on touching you sexually when you do not want to be touched, either when the two of you are alone or in the presence of others
12. •calls you a whore or a slut
13. •has affairs with other women (often flaunting them) after agreeing not to have sex with anyone but you
14. •physically attacking sexual parts of your body, (grabbing your breasts, pinching your buttocks, any touch that is unwanted)
15. •forcing you to perform any specific sexual act that you do not wish to do 

Physical Abuse 

Physical abuse is any forceful or violent physical behavior. Examples include:

1. •slapping
2. •choking
3. •punching
4. •kicking
5. •pinching
6. •pushing
7. •shoving
8. •biting
9. •spanking
10. •scratching
11. •grabbing
12. •throwing bodily
13. •burning
14. •restraining
15. •spitting
    
    
    SOURCE: http://www.domesticabuseproject.org