Varga, Eat ya f*ckin' heart out!!

Oh...I'm sorry, who was it that said I couldn't do Varga-style pin-ups?

SUCK MY WHITE ASS!!!

(Book Latin Dog Studio and give him all your money!!!)

PS> Concept + ALL mu, styling, wardrobe by Vixxa Violet

Myers-Briggs Test: Have U Taken It Yet??

MYERSBRIGGSTEST

Tips for taking the test:
Don't overthink the questions, and don't get wrapped up in the "Yes" vs. "No".
The test is designed to somehow account for all small generalities.

You will most likely be amazed at how accurate the test is.

Of course, keep in mind that: EVERYONE is complex, and very few people are 100% Introvert as opposed to 100% Extrovert--we all fall on a scale of each of the test's components, so it scores you based on the majority of your traits.

Lastly, really try to answer HONESTLY. Don't answer on what you *think* you are, or how you want to appear in the eyes of others. Answer based on what you realistically would see yourself doing in the situation the questions propose.

My Type?: infj

Check Out My Newest Feature--VBlazin!!

Vixxa4VBLAZINMAGAZINE

What's Love Got to Do With It?

Go TINA!!! When she left Ike, she gave us the strength to walk away from our Ikes.



You must understand
That the touch of your hand
Makes my pulse react
That it's only the thrill
Of boy meeting girl
Opposites attract

It's physical
Only logical
You must try to ignore
That it means more than that

[Chorus]
Oh whats love got to do, got to do with it
What's love but a second hand emotion
What's love got to do, got to do with it
Who needs a heart
When a heart can be broken

It may seem to you
That I'm acting confused
When you're close to me
If i tend to look dazed
I've read it someplace
I've got cause to be

There's a name for it
There's a phrase that fits
But whatever the reason
You do it for me

I've been taking on a new direction
But i have to say
I've been thinking about my own protection
It scares me to feel this way

What's love got to do, got to do with it
What's love but a sweet, old fashioned notion
What's love got to do, got to do with it
Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken 

The Courage of Psychotherapy--I Did It!! And So Can You =)

Mental Illness & Psychotherapy

I have suffered from severe bouts of depression, severe anxiety, crippling OCD, PTSD, and other health-related problems. 

As an adolescent, I took out my illness in various forms including cutting, self-starvation, and self-hatred...luckily, I also had enough sense to utilize artistic forms to express myself. This included writing, journaling, singing, dancing, acting, painting, experimenting with make-up, and my personal style. 

Once I reached college, I began counseling with mentors and adjunct counselors. I visited with doctors and physicians and was on a series of anti-depressants. Finally, in January, 2009, I suffered a depressive breakdown and entered myself into Belmont Hospital, where, finally, I was diagnosed with Major Depression, and where I stayed for 12 days. 

Because I had always been naturally geared towards self-growth, and desired not to repeat the patterns of my parents, I vigorously pursued counseling and therapy. I knew I could not just “get over” the pain of my past on my own. 

Since my hospital stay, I have had my ups and downs; growth spurts and relapses. It was not until I was away from the original main source of my pain (my father), that I could even begin on the massive undertaking of beginning to really heal. 

However, I was soon at the epicenter of another, very serious attack from, what I later realized to be Evil. 

I can say with confidence now that I understand what Evil is, especially insomuch as it relates to psychology (or Lack of Spiritual Growth), and how it has run rampant over my soul. 

Despite that, I now stand as God’s child and am more than ever invested in fighting for Good. 

I am in psychotherapy with a highly competent, professional therapist (this may take a while to find...I went through several psychiatrists and therapists in my search.) 

I urge you to embark on your own quest for spiritual or psychological truth. 

Step 1: Figure out what mental illness you suffer from.

No, I didn't say "See if you have a mental illness". I said "Figure out which one you have." 

Why? 

Because we are all mentally ill. And illness is running rampant in this society. And going to therapy, talking about our issues, has been shoved under the table in large part due to an overly-technological age, and desensitization of the humanness of ourselves. 

Some people have mental illness in a greater proportion than others.

The question is: will we be strong, and courageous, and conquer it?

<Quick tangent: The other day, someone who I thought was an ally said to me "You are crazy." I was like...and...? As if I didn't know!

I am GREATLY aware of my "craziness" (most of it I discovered through my most recent relationship...), and I am hell bent on fixing it. Will I ever be completely "sane"? No. And I hope I'm not. I need some of those crazies so I can continue to think outside the box and CREATE!>

Many people in society view those in therapy or counseling as "weak"or downtrodden or, (again) CRAZY. 

THIS COULD NOT BE FARTHER FROM THE TRUTH.

Those who admit that they need help are above and beyond courageous. It takes massive balls to stand up and admit that you are weak, and vulnerable, and need help. Vulnerability, however, is one of the greatest choices in life...because it allows us to reap the rewards of a great risk. 

I had to admit that I could not do everything on my own, and allow other people to help me. Was it scary? TERRIFYING. Did I get rejected, put down, and criticized along the way? ABSOLUTELY. But I knew that what I was doing was right. [going to counseling in college, seeking mentorship from professors, talking to my roommate who became a close friend...continuing therapy until I found the *right* psychotherapist, and, yes, entering a mental hospital for 12 days in January 2009, and then again in 2010 per relapse]. 

I took some giant risks. The risk of being socially labeled "crazy", the risk of looking completely unstable and crazy to my already-judgmental family, the financial risk of paying for psychotherapy and doctor visits when I could barely afford it...the risk of trying different supplements and medications and reading as much as I could about the subjects that could aid my growth...on subjects from brain chemistry, to nutrition, to psychological disorders & patterns...[recommended must-read book list below].

Did I understand everything I read? No. Was I frustrated along the way? YES. Did I relapse? Yes. Do I still relapse? Yes. 

However, my relapses are becoming less frequent, less severe, and are lasting less time. I had to keep reminding myself also...

NO ONE BOOK, SUPPLEMENT, MEDICATION, EXERCISE OR TECHNIQUE IS GOING TO HEAL YOU FROM TOP TO TOE. 

That is because your illness is not caused by any one single source. 

Even though you may say, well, depression is caused by lack of serotonin...yes, that is one truth among many truths. Medication alone will not "cure" you, but a combination of many, many different things, can lead to your eventual triumph. 

***

No matter what we are suffering from, once we chose to conquer it, we must always remember that it will not be an easy path. Change and growth is difficult, painful, and effortful. This is why so many people avoid it.

I decided to enter psychotherapy, because I made the decision that I wanted to conquer my fears as a young adult, and because I did not want to repeat the mistakes of the past (my own mistakes, and, most importantly, the mistakes of my parents). I did not and do not want to become abusive towards others, or disguise my pain with alcohol or drugs or irrational, emotional decisions and behavior. 

It always sounded "unromantic" to me to "take control of my emotions"--I blockaded myself for years, saying "I'm not a robot!". This is true...I am human, I do have emotions, and I am allowed to express them. But the difference now is, I am not allowing my emotions to take over my rational thought, and therefore dictate my behavior and choices. Also, I am not allowing my emotions to harm other people that I love.

Therefore, I am conquering my mental illness. 

I will become the master of my emotions. It is a slow and gradual process. But I will triumph.

I hope you will join me.

High-Risk Signs of a Narcissistic Sociopath

HIGH-RISK SIGNS
	He is able to cast an almost irresistible hypnotic spell which draws you toward him. You are fascinated with his charm and you love to listen to him. He quickly wants to include you in his grandiose plans and future successes. You are excited that you have finally met "Mr. Right," since you can't see any obvious personal flaws.
	You can't seem to find many specific details about his troubled childhood. He was possibly abused or neglected. He has unresolved bonding breaks: a lengthy illness of himself or a primary caretaker; or a conflicted family; a divorce, or a delayed adoption. He has unresolved childhood problems, and is frequently childish and immature.
	His primary family relationships are marked by conflict and distance.  Or they seem to swing between cloying sweetness and war. These relationships may still control his life.
	He seems to have serious difficulty with authority figures such as bosses or law-enforcement officials. He may have had habitual run-ins with the law as a juvenile and as an adult which he may boast about. His work history is murky.
	When you go out with him it's either by yourselves or with his "new acquaintances" since he doesn't seem to have friends who go way back. People he introduces you to early in the relationship seem to disappear later on. His past loves have not been long-lasting relationships.
	He appears powerful and super self-confident, almost to an exaggerated point. He definitely likes to control others through words (conning), money, or physical strength. He is egotistical and self-centered. He is either moody and quiet or very talkative.
	He comes and goes and you don't really know where or with whom.
	You have mixed feelings about trusting him, and at times he seems sneaky. You think that he lies but he's hard to pin down, and he won't accept blame or express remorse when it is clearly his fault. He can sympathize but not empathize.
	You notice that he approaches sex in an aggressive, forward way. He usually has a voracious sexual appetite, especially at first, and you sense that he has been extremely promiscuous. He acts interested in you but he is primarily interested in seeking his own pleasure rather than sharing sensitively with his partner. He may become rough and interested in sado-masochistic practices. (Note: females are extremely seductive, flirtatious, and manipulative with their sexuality.)
	He seems impulsive and unsettled and rarely carries through on projects, saying he is now moving on to "bigger fish." He is always looking for more stimulation and excitement and takes unbelievable chances. His job history and education are usually scattered and unfinished, although he says that's his choice.
	You realize that he is manipulative, controlling and conning toward others and rarely displays kindness unless it's for direct personal gain. He may be kind to a cute waitress or sales client but is abusive and cold to a male waiter or a clerk. He is shallow and superficial.
	He appears closer to money than anything else. He is either tightly controlling and stingy with material items, letting you know how much everything costs, or he is parasitic in wanting to live off your labor. Be especially careful if he want to borrow or invest large sums of your money. He believe that he owns you and is extremely possessive and jealous.
	Be careful if he regularly consumes any drug, including alcohol, even if he tells you it's recreational and he can take it or leave it. Addictions are easy to cover at first so beware of mood changes. Be especially aware if he has a short fuse and displays indications of violent behavior.
	He may profess a religion but his actions indicate that he secretly delights in aligning with evil and the dark side of life. You sense that he has a cruel nature inside because he smiles at people's misfortune and pain.
	Finally, he is so believable and charming that despite many obvious high-risk symptoms you think that the problems between you are as much your fault as his and you just have to "love him" more to make a difference, even though deep inside you know he is Mr. Wrong.

Booking Form Now Available!

I am now available for photoshoots in my studio, located in Northeast Philadelphia!

I will mostly be working in the Philadelphia area, as the past two years became exhausting from traveling so much (and managing my wardrobe, hair, makeup, meals, medications, etc.). Now, I have all of my amenities in one place!

I work this way because I do all of the makeup, wardrobe, and styling myself, and have a collection of cool props and costume pieces. I am a creative person, and an artist, and I am not satisfied to simply show up, and look pretty. I chose modeling, because I was creative, experimental, theatrical, and...an ACTRESS!
(Also I also vascillate between wanting to perform, and wanting to clean house...yep, I actually LOVE organizing, cleaning, and planning...my personality is very complicated...lol!).

You'll find that I am very easy to work with, so long as you treat me, my staff, and my space with respect.

Anyway, if you are interested in Booking me for your project, please visit my booking page, and fill out the Booking Form! I am tapering off my responses to online bookings on Facebook, Myspace, and other networking sites, as it is too hard for me to keep track. You may also email me directly, at vixxaviolet@yahoo.com for any professional-related questions. I do not respond to personal emails.

I am very excited for 2011!

http://web.me.com/vixxaviolet/Vixxa_Violet/Booking.html

Thank You

I just thought you should know...

that I am very impressed. 

I am very impressed with your performance.

But, you see, I am an actor. A trained Thespian, if you will. 

And not just that. I am an actor that has based my theory, and my application, of acting, in Truth. 

I will think of you, often, in the beginning as I process you, and then...as time passes...every now and again...and finally, rarely...and only as a wonderful tool to teach my disciples and as a greatly-defined antithesis to what I will then call my boyfriend or partner or husband.  

I will remember the good things you have taught me. I will remember the laughs we shared, and the modes of thinking that are useful to me.

Your good tips on wearing only fresh, new garments in my photoshoots. And your very efficient workout techniques, adaptable to any time, place or situation.

And I will remember how you lied. I will remember exactly how you lied, so that I can catch the next one. In fact, I've already successfully snatched up two more of your types. I must say that I am quite proud of myself, and an incredibly quick learner.

And I am happy. 

I may not be running around with a giant "smile on my face", or with a new joke to tell. 

I may not have the perfect words to say, or the most gentle, lovable demeanor in which to deliver those words. 

No...my happiness...my goodness...runs to the very core of my soul. 

Goodbye, my friend. You have taught me very well. 

Ms. Violet

Updated Bio/Resume Page!! Please Visit :)

I just updated my Bio/Resume page! Please visit: http://web.me.com/vixxaviolet/Vixxa_Violet/Home.html


On that note...


I feel the need to reiterate that there is a MAJOR difference between an industry professional, and some girl off the street.


By "some girl off the street", I do not intend to imply that a beautiful woman should not be taken photos of or acknowledged in some public fashion for her beauty. I don't mean that a young woman in school shouldn't dabble in dancing or modeling as a possibility for her future. 
What I mean is...there are individuals who have trained, and trained, and worked, and worked, relentlessly, to become professional artists. 


I should not have to get a "regular job". I "went to school" like "everybody told me", and while I do not regret the experience, I left when I felt ready. 


I have been acting since the age of 10. My parents did not have money to send me to fancy Barbizon schools, or run me around to talent agencies. They made me work, and they made me study. 


I did my first musical...and stuck with it. I did not have it easy. Do not judge a piece of art by assuming that the final product is a snap. It is a laborious, soul-searching, disciplined process if you so desire to be a true artist. 


I will be a slave to my art. But I will not be a slave to man. And I will try my damndest to not become a slave to money, power, or greed (a few pennies in my pocket wouldn't hurt along the way...I mean...a girl does need to get her shoe-shop on)....


 I cannot allow myself to be treated like I don't know what I'm doing. It burns away my time, and disturbs my inner process. If u want to TFP forever with no names, or cast school teachers as television leads, go ahead. 
If you want top-of-the-line quality material, come to Vixxa.

Vixxa Violet Man's World Take I