OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: VIXXA VIOLET RETIREMENT FROM EXOTIC DANCING INDUSTRY, ANNOUNCES OFFICIAL MANAGER

I would like to make 2 announcements:

1. I have decided to officially retire from the exotic dancing industry as an entertainer/dancer.

I still intend to dance and choreograph. However, I wish to remain freelance and a true independent contractor, free from mandations by gentlemens' clubs requiring me to "tip out" my hard-earned money to less than fully competent staff members who already earn an hourly wage income. I have loved music my entire life. HOWEVER. I will not work with any male producers other than relatives, and I already have the baddest-ass female DJ in PHILADELPHIA to coach me on DJing/ recording.

2. I am making my pops my official manager. So. U gotta go through him to get to me.

I could not find a better, more shrewd business man, and am certain he will never rip me off. Cuz he knows, if he did...I'd kick his f*ckin' ass. ;)

THOUGHTS ON MUSIC & DANCE...
Music is the instrument of dance. I have been aching in sad silence over the current state of the music industry. So, I'm rebelling in more or less a 90's-era revival (really, ALL eras have their incredible influences, but I am a 90's kid after all, and I GOTTA represent for the white female rocker chicks which are in a current state of extinction...P!nk does NOT count, God dammit...*cries*). THIS era...well, quite frankly, I've been feeling like this is no era at all.

So, I will rejoice in listening to music that I LOVE and then if feel like shaking my ass and shedding clothing, it will be at my own discretion FOR TIPS ONLY, CASH UP-FRONT AND ON HAND...Hehe!! I have grown far past weary & exhausted of the emotional energy I have to spend on getting narcissistic, overly-ego-inflated strip club DJs to play WHAT I WANT TO HEAR...*GOLD CLUB PHILLY EXCLUDED FROM THIS DUMB-@$$-DJ-LIST, GC PHILLY BY FAR HAS THE BEST DJS IN THE TRI-STATE PERIOD & FAR SURPASS KNOWLEDGE IN MUSIC AND TASTE IN MUSIC THAN ALL OTHER DJS IN ANY REGULAR OR STRIP CLUB BY FARRR!!!*

Now then.

It's not much fun dancing when you can't stand the music.
I intend to teach myself/be mentored by smart-people-that-I-like-and-won't-try-to-molest-me in the technical aspects of audio recording and sound equipment.

I am so very Happy to have re-discovered my Life-Long Love Affair with Music.

Music is a moral law. 

It gives soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and charm and gaiety to life and to everything.

-Plato

Queen of England

no one cares about art
or poetry
in this sickening world,
adrift at sea
where's the anchor, where's a mate?
where's the current history
'cept for emptiness, perversion
to the highest endth degree

if it's 2000 and ain't here,
who's to say we shan't
just turn back the hands of time
and go back from whence we came
Go to England once again,
let the Queen reign monarch-free
like a butterfly in the wind,
there's the March to Victory

window pane

living in this constant pain
persistant in this constant pain

only the persistant rain,
only the persistant rain,
will beat against my pane again

3 People Killed in Military-Themed Reality Show Taping

"Three people have been killed in a pre-dawn helicopter crash in a rural area of northern Los Angeles County while filming for a reality TV show.

Diaz said everyone on board died. The three people aboard the helicopter have not been identified.Los Angeles County Fire dispatcher Robert Diaz said the crash occurred about 3:40 a.m. Sunday at the Polsa Rosa Ranch in Acton. The ranch has been used as a film location.

Philip Sokoloski, a spokesman for FilmL.A., which processes filming permits for location shootings in the Los Angeles region, said a production company had been approved to use a helicopter for a reality TV show. The shoot was scheduled to go from Saturday afternoon into Saturday night.

The circumstances surrounding the crash are still unknown, Federal Aviation Administration spokesman Allen Kenitzer said.

He said the Bell 206B Jet Ranger had substantial damage. Both the FAA and the National Transportation Safety Board are investigating.

Permit paperwork shows Bongo, Inc. was working on an untitled military-theme TV program. Records also show Crossbow Helicopters received approval to participate in filming from the Federal Aviation Administration.

"We wouldn't have referenced helicopter activity if we didn't already have pre-approval from the FAA," Sokoloski said.

Television footage showed mangled wreckage in a rugged canyon area near Soledad Canyon Road.

According to its website, Polsa Rosa is a "movie ranch" where film crews can utilize a variety of terrains as well as two airstrips. The ranch, according to the Internet Movie Database, was used in "Windtalkers" and last year's remake of "Red Dawn.""*

Forgive me for saying this, but maybe it is time to take a break from the Reality shows. The town that they crashed in was called ACT on (Acton). Maybe it's time to clear room for the real actors, ie: artists who are trained to portray realistic characters in order to achieve completion of telling a story--in partnership with their screenplay writers and directors to create work of value, rather than indulge greedy producers who exploit nameless nobodies for profit and cheap, instant, meaningless "entertainment" aka mind drivel.

In this instance, I do not mean to categorize "military-theme TV" as nonsense, pointless drivel. By all means, military activity, however should be hidden and protected for the sake of the safety of this country! 

Leave things where they belong. 

*DIRECT SOURCE: Weber, Weber and Terry Tang, Associated Press. "Helicopter Kills 3 While Filming Reality TV Show". NBC News. http://usnews.nbcnews.com. 10. February, 2013.

3 Arrested in Shark Lounge strip raid in Daytona Beach, FLA

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Lance Armstrong: Optimist or Narcissist?

"That’s what he called himself in the second installment of his Oprah interview: an optimist.  He said constitutionally, he’s built like his mother to look forward and not talk about the past.  And I suppose that’s what keeps a lot of narcissists out of therapy.  They just keep moving forward, leaving the wreckage of other people in the dust, devoid of self-reflection.

Interestingly, Lance himself said that he has been in therapy only sporadically, when he needs to be in continuously.  You can say that again.

The first half of the Oprah interview revealed a man incapable of true contrition, and to me, it’s because he seemed incapable of real empathy.  The absence of empathy is a cornerstone of narcissism, as well as its twin, sociopathy, something that is also in evidence in the pattern of Lance’s ruthless campaign against those who spoke out (truthfully) against him.


He admitted to bullying people, but didn’t look like he had any emotional connection to that statement.  He’d merely been “trying to control the narrative.”  In order to do that, he then admitted to suing so many people he wasn’t even entirely certain he could name them all.  He destroyed many people so that he could remain unsullied.  So that he could protect his reputation.
That’s another sign of his rampant narcissism: controlling the narrative–which is one of making yourself look superior to others–at all costs.  He wanted to preserve public opinion even as he hurt those closest to him, people he then branded as traitors.  In his personal narrative, they had betrayed him.  Because he’s not built to look back or to think deeply about others.  He trains to move forward.

Amazingly, he didn’t seem to think deeply even about his own children or the collateral damage they might become.  In the second half of his interview, he finally broke down, and it was while talking about how he had to confess to his 13-year-old son.  He told his son that he had lied, and his son should no longer bear the burden of defending him.

But Lance gave his son, gave all his five children, that burden to carry for years, on into the future as they attempt to make sense of their father’s disgrace, and grapple with his character.  Lance was so sure that he could control the narrative, so willing to annihilate to do so, that he appeared not to think about the possible consequences to his children, and the risk he was taking with their lives.

Most significantly, I noticed that even when Lance got emotional talking about his son, he never said anything about the example he has set for his children: what he taught them about the world and about integrity and about how we should and shouldn’t treat people.

What struck me, in that moment of Lance’s emotion, was that he was still not feeling the cost to his son; he was feeling the cost for himself.  He was having to face the relational consequence of his actions, and perhaps his fear that his children would see him as flawed.  But lucky for him, his son, his staunchest defender, immediately said, “Sure, Dad, no problem, I love you.”
And that, in its way, is troubling, too.  Was his son as dismissive of what Lance has done to other people, as Lance seems to be himself?  After all, Lance is now conducting his apology tour, but with a visible absence of contrition.

He destroyed people’s reputations and livelihoods.  He betrayed the ideals of his foundation (a foundation that now appears to have been more about feeding his personal ego than helping others, as he could have come clean a long time ago and bowed out and thus, ensured the continued success of their mission.)  He betrayed his children.

And in part 2, the more remorseful chapter of his interview, he still came back to himself: Others, he said, are serving a light sentence, while he got the ban for life.  ”A death sentence,” he called it.  He doesn’t think that’s fair.
But is he doing this interview as a way to lift the lifetime ban? No, he says.  It’s for his children.  He’s “gotta get this right for them.”  The naivete and the hubris of thinking that he can do that with an Oprah interview is staggering.  To me, that’s fully florid narcissism. But then, one woman’s narcissism is another man’s optimism.

Oh, and what is Lance’s son supposed to say if any kids bring this up?  ”Do not defend me,” Lance says, “just say, ‘Hey, my dad said he was sorry.’”  And clearly, that should take care of all of it."*

SOURCE: Brown, Holly. "Lance Armstrong: Optimist or Narcissist?". http://blogs.psychcentral.com 23. Jan. 2013.

VIXXA SAYS..."NARC!". 

Give the man a break!! After all, your hard-earned money spent on "LIVESTRONG" bracelets went directly to...CANCER RESEARCH! Thank God they found a cure! 

Wait...there is STILL no cure for cancer of the balls? 

Oh. Damn.

Answered Fan Mail: How to Cope with Overwhelming Expectations & Few Resources

I got this question in an email with a fan (and fellow artist), and had to respond in blog format, as it is an age-old battle that I've been trying to conquer in many different ways throughout the years. 

"I've got to do at least three new pieces for this art show before the end of the month and I'm stressing out. So many things for one little brain to deal with. How do you cope with overwhelming expectations, and too few resources!?"

Uhh...well, adderall is my very close and personal friend in crunch times like these...

But seriously. There are a few organizational techniques that I do to help with overwhelming thoughts and expectations, and handle stress. There are also several supplements and dietary changes that can help, as well.

1) Meditation
When/if you're feeling too overwhelmed, I always recommend taking a step back to clear your mind.
Meditation is a great exercise for clearing all of the "jam-up" or overload of thoughts in your mind, worries and concerns.
Some free audio meditations that I use are:
Fragrantheart.com
Themeditationpodcast.com (free audio meditations can also be found on iTunes)


2) Make SMART Goals.
The acronym called "SMART" Goals helps you define and plan your actions in a realistic action plan. The acronym describes the type of goals you should be setting for yourself in order to accomplish all the tasks on your list.

Specific - "I will be finished my first piece by Friday at 7pm."
Measurable - "One piece should be done by Friday; I will allow myself three days for the next, and another three to finish the last."
Attainable - Make sure that your goals are achievable. Don't set yourself on finishing three pieces in a weekend cram session.
Realistic - Be realistic with yourself. Personally, I am a slow learner. I know that, while I would *love* to achieve such-and-such by x date, I am someone that needs a lot of down time, and have to maintain a certain lifestyle in order to maintain my mental and physical health (so, factor in time to eat, sower, sleep, and do your life stuff).
Timely - Make sure that you are able to decipher between Immediate Goals (finishing the pieces for the show, getting them entered, showing up to the event in a timely manner with all of your supplies, etc...); once you are past this show, you can then begin to focus on Short-Term Goals (for example: Do one show per month or Spend $40.00/month on art supplies); and Long-Term Goals (sell x amount of pieces over the year; enter a piece into a major gallery)...so on and so forth.


3) Supplements -
Rhodiola. Rhodiola is an adaptogenic herb that assists the body in coping with stress. It also helps fight mental and physical fatigue.
Ashwaghanda. Also an adaptogenic herb.
Korean Ginseng. For mental focus and clarity.
Of course, a good, whole-food multi-vitamin. Fish oil or flax seed oil and a good B-complex supplements is also helpful for overall energy and focus. (Take a B-COMPLEX over just B12 or B6...the entire compound works better together than an isolated B12 for example, which does not absorb entirely into the body).


4) Get enough sleep & exercise.
Even a daily 20-minute walk is good to keep your anxiety at a manageable level. Sleep is a MUST, and I know from being a starving artist and resident thespian that long hours are often mandatory at times. So, get your 8 hours in while you can, and stay on a regular circadian rhythm (up with the sun, relax and wind down at night time).

and 5) Get it done, and don't try for perfection.
I am a big hypocrite here, but I *really* do try to remind myself daily: Perfection does not exist.
Ideals and standards, technique are all par for the creative process, but often it stands in our own way as a huge mental/creative block.
Another great saying or way of thought is, "Done is better than perfect".
I had a friend once tell me that he used to give motivational speeches to large crowds of sales recruits and employees. He would often sweat over trying to make it good, and take time and space to pump himself up before every speech. But, a colleague went up to him once and said, "Dude...don't try to be great. Just give the speech." It was one of the best speeches he ever made.

So...Don't try to be great. Just finish the pieces, get your butt out there and follow through with the task: selling that artwork, and expanding your name.

6) As for resources, and conservation of them....just remember: Your resources are finite, so try to use them efficiently. God knows it's impossible to stick to ever budget by the dime, or allow for completely efficient time use. But, your resources are: Time, Money, and Energy. Ultimately, they are basically all the same thing. It's hard to work on little money, but being a creative person allows you to find shortcuts by finding cheap supplies, multi-tasking, and maximizing your profit. And don't be afraid of your inner salesman. Get that MONEY when you sell your artwork!!! Build rapport, and customer relationships. Listen to what people like or would like to see. So, next time you won't be as limited on ideas for subjects or on cash.

Hope that helps!!

Temporary Website Back Up & Running!!!

Well, my friends...
it's not a giant leap, but it is a small step of progress in the right direction.

Unfortunately (for me), the software that I used (which was iWeb...and I am a slow learner...so it took me about 2 years to start getting really proficient with the stuff) was discontinued earlier this year.

Luckily, I managed to save the entire original site on a hard drive for reference, but I kind of felt like a woman who had lost her baby. (I get overly-attached to things, ESPECIALLY if it's artistic or creative content).

I've been sampling free software here and there, and kind of threw this up (with Wix...which kinda blows, but it works):
www.vixxaviolet.com
So, at least folks can sample my portfolio, reel, blog, bio/resume, and contact info.

I have literally nothing for overhead to fund merchandise. But, I am keeping my eyes and ears and options open to possible investors orrrr people who just like to give money to poor, aspiring artists with something meaningful (and slightly sexy) to say. Charity is a wonderful thing.

I should have 8x10's available shortly for sale online. In the meantime, stay classy. Stay with me. And for the love of God, look at this incredible Batman-Jesus statue. It has made me a BELIEVER again!!!

MUAHAHAHA...**The Dark Knight Shall Rise Again**...
Photo Source: http://www.buzzfeed.com 12. Jan. 2013.

pool time

i'm hungry.
but i don't feel like cooking.

i'm tired.
but i can't sleep.

and i'm sick again,
but at least
i can weep.

i went to the pool, and i sat in the hot tub
and cried
while old men
shuffled in
and shuffled out
i was not trying to make it glaringly obvious;
but part of me did not care.
part of me was screaming, "What are you looking at, you old fuck?!!?!"
while i swam laps in the pool
and talked to myself.

What people see in these photos,
is the way I want to be.
Healthy and keen and sharp and strong. In control.

But I am nothing.
I am a nobody.
It's just a mirage of beauty that will never be recognized by the one who matters most.
And when I amount to nothing, I know that he won't only not be proud,
but he just won't give a fuck.

17-Stripper Brawl in Austin, TX

*AUSTIN, Texas (CBS Houston) — A strip club patron almost lost his eye during a brawl involving 17 strippers.

According to KXAN-TV, the fight between the strippers began in the dressing room at Hot Bodies in Austin on Oct. 26. That’s when authorities say 21-year-old Victoria Perez threw her high-heel shoe, hitting a man in the eye.

Austin police tell KVUE-TV that the tip of theheel struck the man in the left eye, leaving him with injuries so severe that he might likely lose it.

The stripper riot was caught on surveillance video. Authorities say Perez told them that she “may have” thrown her high heel.

“In the manner of its use, the high heel shoe could have been a deadly weapon,” the affidavit stated, according to KXAN.

Perez was arrested and charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. She is being held on $50,000 bail.

The unidentified man has been treated and released from the hospital but he is still unable to see out of his left eye, according to media reports.

*CBS Houston. 05 Nov. 2012. http://houston.cbslocal.com/2012/11/05/police-brawl-among-17-strippers-causes-man-to-almost-lose-his-eye/

See, strippers...it's behavior like this that adds to the stereotypical reputation as trashy, classless girls. I think we could all use a little, uh...GROWING UP! (the exception being me, of course...;)

VV in Leg Show Publication May 2012!!

Definition: Tipping & Taxes in PHILADELPHIA

Definition: Tipping & Taxes in PHILADELPHIA 
1ST DRAFT
tip - (n) a payment given for services in excess of the standard charge; gratuity* 
*SOURCE Dictionary.com. 10. February, 2012. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/tip 
TIP-RECIPIENT EMPLOYEES (aka: “service workers”) Per my understanding, there is a vast range of employees who are tip-recipients or receive gratuities in exchange for their services. This includes, but is not limited to: 
-parking garage attendants 
-bathroom attendants 
-food service workers - waiters, waitresses, bartenders, delivery people (I’m tempted to write “delivery guys” because typically it is men or guys who do delivery...I, TOO, HAVE TO REMIND MYSELF THAT GENDER ROLES AND SOCIETAL STANDARDS ARE CONSTANTLY CHANGING...it is 2012, even if I do have a penchant for 1940’s glamour and I like to live in imaginary alternate eras as a way to entertain my acting side...*sigh*) 
-entertainers - jugglers, street musicians, exotic dancers, gogo dancers (although as a gogo dancer I have generally made a certain amount per shift...for example, $150 for 2 hours from 12am-2am, plus tips...it depends on the club, what type of club it is, what the laws are in that district or region of that particular state...SIGH...this is why I don’t enjoy traveling to do shows much, because I have to re-orient myself to COMPLETELY new territory, different driving laws, different club laws, different clientele base...and let’s face it...I have ADD, not to mention hypersensitivity to new environments, so you can see why it stresses me out BIG TIME...) 
-hotel accomodat...ers?: bellhops (guy who carries your luggage), the shuttle guy, the concierge or whatever 
-cab drivers 

Insomuch as employees of gentlemens’ clubs go, tip recipients include: 
-bouncers 
-door guys 
-couch room attendants 
-bathroom attendants 
-champagne room hostesses / hosts 
-managers 
-djs 
-bartenders 
-waitresses 
-shot girls 
-massage girls 
-exotic dancers

 CUSTOMS ON TIPPING NOW...per my understanding, it is customary to tip a waiter or waitress 20% of your bill at minimum. The waiter receives a below-minimal wage of approximately $2.25 per hour. Depending on the establishment (ie: Applebee’s vs. a diner vs. a high-end restaurant like del Frisco’s in Philadelphia...), the tips are either pooled, or, the waiter takes his/her own tips and that’s it. They fill out a W-2, and they may or may not report all of their cash income. [[My mother used to wait tables while attending Art College (this was approximately 1972 in San Francisco), and refused to pool her tips (meaning, put her tip into a large jar with everyone else’s tips and split them up evenly amongst all of the waiters). Why, you may ask?? Because...unlike the majority of service workers, she busted her ass, and did her job extremely well. Then, the people who wanted to slack off or be lazy that day would receive more money, therefore, becoming more crippled by the establishment and less incited to work competently.]] I *believe* many chain pizza places (ie: Domino’s,Papa John’s) have an added-in gratuity for delivery service. I generally still try to throw the guy a couple extra bucks, because, hey...he’s delivering pizza in the dead of winter, and that’s gotta suck. I generally tip the non-chain delivery guy more because he is usually a nice immigrant who is happy to work in America and is working hard to support a family or send money back to his family overseas...and he receives no gratuity, or if he does, it’s probably a percentage. Not to mention...he’s delivering pizza in the dead of winter...and that’s gotta suck...he’s gotta keep the car running, scrape the ice off, avoid accidents, which, in normal weather is near-impossible in f*CKING PHILADELPHIA and New Jersey...and so on...Many chain restaurants (ie: TGI Fridays, Applebees) may pool tips, but I’m not sure. Typically, franchise or independently-owned restaurants or businesses (aka: “mom and pop shops”) rely way more on tips and cash influx because they are not protected by a larger corporation. Thus, they retain independent and “freedom of trade” if you will (my personal preference...since I am of an entrepreneurial spirit and small-business mindset)...the benefits of working for a chain is that there is generally a) is generally more structure b) more benefits offered (insurance, IRA’s, etc etc.) and c) if you get fired illegally or are discriminated against, you can probably sue them for a whole lot of freakin’ money. 
Now...as far as bartenders go, I remain ignorant of their exact income since I am a non-drinker and have never paid for my own drink (minus a bottle of water or Red Bull...in which I tip the bartender at least $2.00). As far as I know, nowadays bartenders make approximately $25.00 to $75.00 per roughly a 5-6 hour shift. [Yes, I know drink prices are very high...especially at gentlemen’s clubs. 
City taxes are very high. Philadelphia city taxes are approximately 8%, which is higher than the standard Pennsylvania 6% sales tax on non-food and non-clothing items]. And, yes, I know they charge a cover fee. 

I do not receive any wage per hour whatsoever. I do retain the ability to sell lap dances at $20-$30 a pop. While this is extremely good money (hello...$20.00 for 4 minutes of work??!!!?!)...I receive $15.00 or $20.00 of every lap dance I do.  
Just sayin'.

Pro-Choice = Pro-WOMAN

http://prowomanprochoice.org

"RECLAIMING FEMINISM FROM THE CLUTCHES OF SO-CONS!"
if anyone had a question on my view on the abortion issue...well, i feel i've made it fairly obvious. 
and now...for a little george carlin (aka "GOD") on the topic...

Vixxa's Theoretical Ideal Man part II: REVISED 2nd DRAFT

Honest & straight-forward.

Just and fair from a moral, ethical, and legal standpoint.

Brilliant.

Heterosexual.

Prefers liberal arts or sciences over money &  business .

Strong provider and protector. Preferably an outlaw. ;) 

Sober. 

Clean.

Spiritually inclined. Non-Christian. Non-Atheist. 

Romantic ;) 

Confident / cocky (in a good way)

Nationality/ethnicity standpoint...could be a mix of any of the following: Italian, Native American, German, Slovak, Jamaican, Puerto Rican, Japanese, African, English, French, Greek, mediterranean

Non-caucasian and NOOOOO IRISH MEN. 

I have REVISED MY BATMAN / BRUCE WAYNE THEORY, in exchange for the Gary Oldman version of Commissioner Gordon Theory. 

Like...seriously, Batman??

You didn’t kill the Joker. You are SUCH a pussy. 

Vixxa’s Theoretical Ideal Man Recipe.

1 part Gary Oldman as Commissioner Gordon in the Christopher Nolan Batman series 

1 part Roger Rabbit (let me count the ways....total devotion to Jessica and can make her laugh!! AWW.)

1 part Rob Zombie. Rocker, likes horror and goth stuff, but seems like he would be a ton of fun and very smart and probably tons of fun in bed.

1 part Gingerbread Man **SEE BELOW**. 

((I’m keeping my former Batman Theory up for general entertainment)). 

Original Batman/Bruce Wayne Theory

--minus leaving me in the end to be a crusader and stressing and worrying about him dying.

Other possible pit-fall(s) on dating Batman: 

-caring more about society than me. Ultimately we would need to compromise and although I would support his crusade and pursue an independent life and mission of my own, I would also need to come first...cuz if momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

-Will most likely need psychotherapy to better communication skills and not process his own traumatic past.

Plusses for dating the caped crusader:

-million dollar bank account

-big mansion where I could do Vixxa photo-shoots anytime I wanted with any theme and any costume, outfit, and props I wanted

-wicked car that's 100% bullet and fire proof

-kinky bat cave where we could be all alone

-cool butler AND private chauffeur that offers words of wisdom at the perfect moment and happens to be MICHAEL CAINE 

-tortured, deep soul who could empathize with my issues with PTSD 

-genuinely good man out to destroy destroy evil

-sweet martial arts training

-access to bangin' hallucinogens (hahaha, actually I'm not really into hallucinogens, unless they were part of a really bad-ass warrior training ala Rahj A Ghoul...i still don't know how to spell his name...).

Watch for any further revisions. ;)

Definitions of Abuse

How can we stop or prevent something of which we are not aware of?

As a dancer, a model, and even a retail sales manager in the mall, I have experienced things that, in retrospect, I did not recognize as abuse because abuse (to me) was normal...I had been abused by my dad, so had grown familiar with a sneaky abuser’s tactics.

Fortunately, through different friendships and relationships, as well as counseling, reading, and therapy, I learned what abuse was. One main thing to realize is that abuse is a violation of your boundaries. Sometimes, we “abuse” each other in small ways, but these often turn out to be harmless. It is when the abuse becomes chronic, or repetitive, or continues after you’ve asked the person to stop the behavior that bothers you, that it really becomes a problem. 

I mention “dancers” here specifically, because the modeling/dancing industry attracts some very good, pretty, smart women that have psychological damage from upbringing and abusive relationships. They often end up having to make ends meet on their own, and forge careers against challenging circumstances. Please read, and check out the other sites listed below as great reference tools!!

Stay Safe!!

--Vixxa

Emotional Abuse
Emotional abuse includes hurting another person's feelings by saying cruel, unfair comments or by name calling, such as:

1. •cursing, swearing and/or screaming at you
2. •repeated harassment, interrogation or degradation
3. •attacks on self-esteem and/or insults to your person (name-calling, put-downs, ridicule)
4. •attacks on and/or insults about people you care for, your family and friends
5. •threatening to "come out for you" at work or to your family
6. •controlling and/or limiting your behavior (e.g.: keeping you from using the phone or seeing friends, not letting you leave the room or the house, following you and monitoring or limiting your phone conversations, checking the mileage on your car, or keeping you from reading material, ideas, activities and places that he does not like)
7. •interrupting you while you are eating, forcing you to stay awake or to get up from sleep
8. •blaming you for everything that goes wrong
9. •forcing you to do degrading things (e.g.: making you kneel, making you beg for money)
10. •using the difference in physical size to intimidate you
11. •criticizing your thoughts, feelings, opinions, beliefs and actions
12. •treating you like a servant or "underling" in matters of household chores and decisions
13. •being extremely jealous, constantly accusing you of flirting or of cheating
14. •spitting at or near you
15. •using money to control you (e.g.: taking money from you, giving you an allowance, controlling how extra money is spent, forcing you to ask for and account for any money you get, and acting like the work you do at home is of no economic value to the family)
16. •telling you that you are "sick" and need therapy
17. •using physical disabilities against you or putting you down for your disability

Psychological Abuse 

Psychological abuse is any threat to do bodily harm to a partner, a child, a family member, friends, pets, or one's self (suicide).  Psychological abuse involves not only hurt and anger, but also fear and degradation.  The purpose of psychological abuse is to render you emotionally insecure about your own self-worth and to render you helpless and/or not able to escape further physical, sexual and/or psychological abuse. Examples include your partner:

1. •threatening to punch, hit, slap or kick
2. •threatening to use a weapon
3. •threatening to harm him/her-self if you leave
4. •threatening to punish children to "get back" at you
5. •threatening to harm pets 

          throwing objects in your direction

1. •vague threats such as: "You're going to get it," or "I'm really going to let you have it"
2. •harming a pet to "get back" at you
3. •smashing and breaking things
4. •throwing objects around the room
5. •punching walls, slamming doors
6. •hiding, stealing or destroying your possessions
7. •sabotaging your car
8. •any emotional abuse which in the past was a prelude to physical or sexual abuse

[The following are more applicable to personal relationships, but may be applicable to professional relationships]:

Sexual Abuse
Sexual abuse is any non-consenting sexual act or behavior.  Examples include your partner forcing sexual activity when:

1. •you indicate "no" and your limits are not respected
2. •you are sleeping 
3. •you are drunk or high and are unable to say "no"
4. •you are afraid to say "no" 
5. •insists that you dress in a more sexual way than you wish to dress
6. •makes demeaning remarks about how you dress
7. •makes demeaning remarks about your body and/or body parts
8. •minimizes your feelings about sex
9. •berates you about your sexual history; blames you if you were sexually abused in the past or as a child
10. •criticizes you sexually (calling you "frigid" or “prude”, for example)
11. •insists on touching you sexually when you do not want to be touched, either when the two of you are alone or in the presence of others
12. •calls you a whore or a slut
13. •has affairs with other women (often flaunting them) after agreeing not to have sex with anyone but you
14. •physically attacking sexual parts of your body, (grabbing your breasts, pinching your buttocks, any touch that is unwanted)
15. •forcing you to perform any specific sexual act that you do not wish to do 

Physical Abuse 

Physical abuse is any forceful or violent physical behavior. Examples include:

1. •slapping
2. •choking
3. •punching
4. •kicking
5. •pinching
6. •pushing
7. •shoving
8. •biting
9. •spanking
10. •scratching
11. •grabbing
12. •throwing bodily
13. •burning
14. •restraining
15. •spitting
    
    
    SOURCE: http://www.domesticabuseproject.org